My First Press Conference

So I had my first press conference. I didn't think that I would be nervous. But as the time to get up to sit in front of all the people from the media drew closer, the butterflies in my stomach just went wild.

I said something, which I'm not sure whether the media picked up. But I think that I could have said those things in a much better way. In any case, it did open up for Dr. Maliki to further elaborate.

What amazed me about the whole thing was how Dr. Maliki handled the last question.

Someone asked whether Shine would support events from an informal group that had pro-gay and pro-homosexual themes.

Dr. Maliki answered that whether Shine supports an event by an informal group would depend on whether the event meets the objectives of Shine, i.e. Bottom up, Diversity, Ownership. And that it would also depend on whether the community in Singapore would find the event would appeal and reach out to the wider Singaporean community.

So in a sense, it was a neither yes nor no answer that leant more on the "No" part, though without explicitly saying so, and without leaving much room for attack. I have so much more respect for Dr Maliki now.

My habit

A thought found its way into my head this morning which freaked me out. I was just sitting there, and all of a sudden, I felt that I want to settle down. You know... find a good girl, get married, have a family and all that.

I told BOng. And he laughed. He told me that it was stupidto go into a relationship with the intention of getting married as that is just being desperate.

The irony of it all is that once in my office, we had this survey to see which of the 7 habits for highly effective people do each of us exhibit. Apparently, most people in my office think the one habit that I exhibit most is: Begin with the end in mind.

Guess I don't just apply that habit to work. Stephen Covey will be so proud of me.

Clash of Civilisations

I'm almost done with the book (finally...). I think that it raises a few very valid points.

• Human beings group ourselves according to a few civilisations. This grouping is dynamic and changes.
• We identify ourselves with our own civilsiation by identifying how we are different from other civilisations.
• Factors that contribute to the identification include skin colour, language, traditions, geography (less significant now) and most importantly, religion.
• Most of humanity's most significant conflicts are along civilisational lines (e.g. WWI and WWII, Palestine-Israel, etc)
• The clash of civilisations was temporarily replaced by a clash of ideologies during the Cold War.
• That with the end of the Cold War, the differences amongst civilisations will once again be the dominant cause of conflicts.

My favourite line in the book thus far is this:
The repressive but peaceful order of states committed to the proposition that there is no god was replaced by the violence of peoples committed to different gods.

As mentioned, I've not finished the book. But I thought I'd write down some thoughts before I forget them.

• Singapore is a society with many diverse civilisations all compressed into a very small space, all of whom still identifying closer to their own parent civilisations than with a common Singaporean identity. This could be because Singapore is only a nebulous political notion.
• Humanity, with its ever increasing capability for death and carnage and ever more complex inter- and intra-civilisational relationships, stands on a knife edge. One wrong gamble by any parties, and we could be well on our way of wiping ourselves out.
• We should really start considering making a quantum leap in civilisational evolution into the model of Huxley's Brave New World.

I shall have another post with more detailed thoughts about the book when I've actually finished it... and when I'm actually freer.

Expression of Contrition

The following is a text message conversation that I had today with someone:
Her: Shall I see you tonight?
Me: Yes, definitely.
Her: Good. See you.
Me: See you then.
Her: With flowers in your hand.
Me: Roses or tulips?
Her: Your choice to be presented with appropriate contrition.

When you just look at this exchange, without knowing the context of the whole exchange, it is indeed pretty much open to interpretation now isn't it? But rest assured, it wasn't anything even vaguely scandalous, though it had the potential to be.

I only found out that this was simply another demonstration of the weird sense of humour that this person has. Another exchange of text messages, this round after having given her the flowers:

Me: Just flowers. Poor NS boy like me can't afford much else.
Her: I'm sorry to have impoverished you further.
Me: No worries. It is my expression of contrition.
Her: Now we feel compelled to give you flowers every time we are late.

She really has a weird sense of humour.

In case you are completely lost, and would like to find out what exactly happened, you can ask me personally for a clarification. But this is as much as I am willing to reveal on my blog. :)

I'm back!!!!!

Well... It's been a while since I've blogged. I've been quite caught up... But now... Now I'm back with a vengence!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! GET READY FOR MORE OF MY LAME MAYHEM?!!!

I was chatting with Jeremy the other day on MSN and I forgot the name of a mutual acquaintance, so I went, "You know, the... what's her name..."

Jeremy replied, "Shi Ping?"

My response, "Shipping off where?"

See, Shi Ping is a perfectly beautiful Chinese name, but if you only know English, then it gets confusing.

And you know how sometimes MS Word auto corrects spellings? Like how "Teh" inevitably becomes "The"? Can you imagine if you name your daughter "Shiting"?

What a pity eh... Shiting is actually a very nice Chinese name.

Man... I'm lame. And sick too. And in more ways than one for that matter.

:)

Let's Protest!

Read an interesting article in the Straits Times that got me thinking. The article is basically about whether it would be a good idea to let people hold demonstrations and strikes in the streets to lobby for the things that they want. The writer suggests that a vocal minority in Singapore seems like they would love to have other Singaporeans experience major traffic problems, disrupted supplies, not being able to earn a living just so that there could be protests and demonstrations in Singapore, in line with liberal democratic ideals of freedom of expression.

I wonder how I will react to people protesting on the streets, especially if I’m in a rush and they are in my way. I think that if that were to ever happen, I would probably hope to be driving a monster truck, and I would run over the protesters and blaming it on their stupidity for standing in the middle of the streets, blocking my path. I would claim that they were infringing on my right to freedom of passage and my right to not have to suffer their idiocy.

I’m sure a lot of people would accuse me of being a ‘typical’ Singaporean who would rather put material and creature comforts over the supposed higher ideals that separates us humans from mere beasts. Well… I’d like to see how these people would respond when their dad or mom (or any loved ones) requires emergency medical attention and you can’t get to a hospital because some assholes are protesting in the streets for the right to bring their toy dogs onto a bus. I wonder whether these people would still be singing the same tune as they sit in the car, watching their loved ones die in front of them, knowing full well that their loved ones can be saved if not for those idiots protesting in the streets.

It thus begs the question, why should I be inconvenienced just because a group of people want to try to change something in society, especially if I don’t give 2 hoots about what it was that they want to change?

Of course, there might be that perhaps someday, I might be in that position where I want to change something in society and would thus hope to have the ability to protest and demonstrate. Then I think the task at hand is to find avenues where anyone can affect a change in society without inconveniencing others.

I am reminded of a something that I heard happened recently. There is this play that is going to be staged soon. The playwright cum producer submitted the play to MDA for approval. Somehow, some members of public found out about this play and were really offended by the title of this play as they felt that the title was derogatory to a certain race in Singapore. Now what was MDA supposed to do? If they honor the playwright’s right to keep the title of the show, they run the risk of this group which objected to the title whipping up irrational racial fervor which would potentially be destabilizing. Or should they tell the playwright to either change the title of his play or not stage the play at all? MDA did the latter.

My point therefore is that sometimes society can be split over certain issues. Sometimes this split can be so great as to throw a country into civil war (remember America?) Who then is to decide which group’s views should be taken? The group that can garner the most people to march through the streets and campaign the loudest? Do we put it up to referendum and decide from there? We must remember that it was a democratic process that put Hitler in power.

The reality is such that people are bastards and we NEED to surrender certain powers to a group of individuals, trusting in them that they would make the right decisions and controlling certain of our excesses.

Of course, we have to have pre-empt the possibility that this group of individuals become abuse their powers. Which in that case is why we should have in place systems for dialogue, for discussions, for audits, etc. And if indeed all else fails, and when and only when this group of people given the responsibility to lead abuse their power, then we shouldn't be asking for the right to protest.

We should just do it.

Whining boys?

right. i really can't take this bullshit anymore. there's this article in today's papers: Philip Yeo's 'whiner and wimp remark whips up howls of protest.

and there's this girl (Ms Chng Zhengzhi) who pretty as she is, who made some horribly idiotic statements. she said that "It's quite obvious that female scholars are more aggressive, Type-A go-getters types, while the males are more soft-spoken and tend to be bullied by females." and then she goes on to say that "Once they enter NS, they complain a lot." and she concludes with "The female scholars I hang out with - we know that getting a scholarship is not an entitlement but a privilege. People start complaining when they don't understand that it's a privilege - that they don't automatically deserve a scholarship."

A whole load of rubbish (i actually had half the mind of using stronger language... but i decided against it...).

Can Ms Chng prove scientifically and statistically that the female scholars are indeed more aggressive? or is she just basing it on her anecdoctal experience? cos i do know many many male scholars who are very aggressive and outspoken, who do not get bullied, not by females, not by anyone, even if that person happens to be Dr Andrew Chew. and i do know a helluva lot of girls, sholars and non-scholars, who are spineless airheads.

And about males complaining when they entre NS, perhaps Ms Chng (or anyone who has not done NS who would like to make such comments) would like to to go through the oh-so-enriching experience of NS. or more importantly of being forced to do something that you don't want to (i.e. being conscripted).

finally. i think that getting a scholarship IS an entitlement. insofar as it is the entitlement of the talented, of the creme de la creme, to be rewarded with the best forms of incentives (in this case a scholarship).

perhaps these males speak up because they really feel that there are somethings wrong with the system. and perhaps their whining whining today makes for better treatment of scholars and a better scholarship system tomorrow. perhaps girls don't speak up because they dare not or rather prefer to suffer in silence (and hence not contributing to improving the system).

also, what if only males break bonds? i would like to think that that means that the males are actually of better quality. so much so that they are offered much better prospects than what the scholarship can offer them. and these bond-breakers actually HAVE THE BALLS to seize the opportunities that come their way and rise up to their destiny. unlike some of the other scholars who would rather just take the safer path of just keeping to the scholarship that is given to them, slogging it out and hoping for a stellar rise through the civil service.

so perhaps the fact that only males break their bonds mean that only male scholars are given enticing offers by MNCs or world renowned institutions. and the females have NO CHOICE but to stay in Singapore and slog their guts out. or perhaps it means that the females DON'T HAVE THE BALLS to grab their own future cos it means having to break their bonds. talk about being a GO-GETTER. i think that breaking their bonds in order to get what they want is a great demonstration of how these male scholars are GO-GETTING.

and if these bond-breakers go to another country, work in some MNCs, make it big there then bring in these MNCs to Singapore, or if they break their bonds and do research in some world renowned institution and win a Nobel Prize and tell the whole world that they are Singaporeans and then bring their expertise and what they've learnt back to help our institutions become world renowned as well, wouldn't that still be contributing to our nation? shouldn't we be praising them for their entrepreneurial instincts than slamming them for lack of morals? isn't the latter a bit too myopic? yes, the scholarship board might have lost a scholar, but must Singapore lose a potentially outstanding citizen by our chastising them? should we not rather celebrate these people for their guts of going to get what they really truly want in their lives? and if we don't shame them, but rather let them go amicably, i believe that these people would come back to Singapore and serve Singapore better than if they were made to stay with their scholarship agency.

but to be fair. yes. we do need some of our bright minds to stay in Singapore, remain as civil servants, or work in our Stat boards. then let these scholarship boards find some way of enticing the best and brightest to stay. and not result to despicable means of shaming these talented people (and thus chasing them away from Singapore). and we must also be fair, there are still a lot of scholars who do come back and serve, because they know that that's where their calling is. our PM is a great example. and i do know of a few more recent scholars. but i don't think many poeple would know them yet. wait till they all become famous then say who they are.

anyways, back to the point. i think that Ms Chng has been most unfair in her statements, not unless she can produce some robust scientific evidence, with significant statistical correlation and strong causal link between gender and being a go-getter.

and of course, the press was really biased in that article. they only presented one person's (i.e. Ms Chng's) comments and made it sound like because ONE scholar agrees with Mr Yeo, therefore, the scholars themselves agree to Mr Yeo's assessment. why didn't the papers interview more scholars, get a few more opinions, find out what the scholars in A*Star are really like? perhaps a study of what the male scholars 'whine' about and how exactly do they 'whine' as well as whether or not the female scholars 'whine' would be useful.

one last thing that i'm wondering about. i wonder whether Dr Andrew Chew faces the same problems with his PSC scholars. are the male PSC scholars whiners as well? or is this a problem specific to the agencies that Mr Philip Yeo faces?

so. before we jump to conclusions about whether male scholars are more whiny and therefore boys in singapore are more whiny, stop and think about what 'whining' actually means. think about it from other angles.

i think Straits Times did a very bad job with this story. very disappointed.

Sigh.

Baking

I was talking to Jeremy the other day about this friend of mine who could cook and bake quite well. Jeremy replied, "Well... we can cook and bake also what. Just not that well."

And I said, "No... I can't bake... but I can put buns in the oven."

Dang. Better not speak too soon. Sekali fire blanks...

FMJ

You are pukes! You're the lowest form of life on Earth. You are not even human fucking beings! You are nothing but unorganised grabasstic pieces of amphibian shit!

There is no racial bigotry here! I do not look down on niggers, kikes, wops or greasers. Here you are all equally worthless!

Bullshit! From now on you are Private Snowball! Do you like that name?

Who said that? Who the FUCK said that? Who's the slimy little communist shit twinkle-toed cocksucker down here, who just signed his own death warrant? Nobody huh?! The fairy fucking godmother said it! Out-fucking-standing!

I'll P.T you until your assholes are sucking buttermilk.

You had better unfuck yourself or I will unscrew your head and shit down your neck!

Five foot nine?! I didn't know they stacked shit that high!

Bullshit! It looks like the best part of you ran down the crack of your mama's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress! I think you've been cheated!

I'll bet you're that kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddam common courtesy to give him a reach-around! I'll be watching you!

Did your parents have any children that lived?

I'll bet they regret that! You are so ugly you could be a modern art masterpiece!

Bullshit! I bet you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose!

I will gouge out your eyes and skull-fuck you!

Your ass looks like 150 pounds of chewed bubble gum!

I'm going to rip your balls off so you cannot contaminate the rest of the world!

I am going to motivate you if short-dicks every cannibal on the Congo!

Were you born a slimy scumbag, you piece of shit? Or did you have to work on it?!

Drop your cocks and grab your socks!

I want that head so sanitary and squared away the the Virgin Mary herself would be proudto go in there and take a dump!

What is your major malfunction numb nuts?! Didn't mommy and daddy show you enough attention when you were a child?!!

xx

i wonder whether that really did happen and whether it still happens in the USMC. i pretty sure you don't get that kind of stuff in the SAF.

seven-six-two millimeter, Full Metal Jacket.

New Life

we went down to see Chan Meng's newborns (Chan Meng's one of my colleagues) yesterday. Chan Meng has always struck me as a very rational, no-nonsense guy. i've never thought of him as someone with a 'softer' side. but when he held his newborn, it was a whole new different side of him that i saw. i saw an expression of pure, irrational joy and pride.

Yeap (another colleague) commented that that's probably the only time when people are happy to be in the hospital. and i agree with him. there is an inexplicably inate beauty in the genesis of a new life. its a mystery that is so miraculous that touches the greatest depths of our soul, eliciting from us a sentiment which borders on ecstasy.

i remember the time when Cheng told me that his sister's pregnant with her first child. i simply felt very very happy.

man... i really don't know how to describe the feeling. it's like... for that one moment, everything, all the conniving bastards that tread on your toes, all the duplicitous politicking that one has to engage in to succeed, all the carnage and death and maiming that goes on around the world, all the shit that one has to deal with, the mundane mediocrities of life, everything... everything just fades away, to be replaced by a joy so pure, so sublime that it almost hurt.

gosh... do you know what i mean?

i wonder how i will feel when i first become a father (if ever...). i can see it actually. in the ward, it'll be dark, wife will be asleep. it'll be silent except for the gentle breathing of my wife. and i'll be holding the baby, looking into the guileless countenance. i will be smiling and at the same time, i will be crying. it'll be tears of anxiety, of caution, of fear, of gratitude and of joy. and everything will be alright.

MONEY MONEY MONEY!!! Is that all there is to it?

as usual, when reading garota, i always get ideas and am inspired to write.

i remember that at the first meeting that Youth Connect had, we were made to draw something that we feel reflects what Singapore is. i drew a machine that printed money. the catch is, the cogs of this machine and the raw material that went into this machine are people (i.e. us). Singapore is a very effective money making machine. there is no doubt about that. and as we develop, it would seem that that is all that we are. it would seem that that is all the nation wants of us, make shit loads of money, pay our taxes, consume, raise the GDP, raise the GNP, raise it up our fucking arse.

and it seems that the safest thing for us to do is to align ourselves with our nation's expectations of us, and be efficient money generators, to be well greased cogs in the machinery, to fuel our engines of economic growtn. and we would be a lot happier if we do not hold any greater dreams for our nation other than to see it as a cash cow to be milked for all its worth.

is Singapore really all about economic rationality? it would seem like it is. and it has been very successful in ingraining that into the its people. it is thus no wonder that many young, intelligent, talented Singaporeans choose to leave. Borders are porous to talent. and being so ingrained with economic rationality, it really doesn't matter where these young, talented, intelligent go-getters are, so long as they are able to maximise their purchasing power and still have a life to enjoy it.

can Singapore really compete on those grounds? can Singapore really become the country that offers the highest purchasing power? no. i do not think that that is possible. there must therefore be something else that binds our most talented to our nation. what can that possibly be? what is the one thing that you can only do in your own country? be a world renowned scientist? earn shit loads of money? raise loads of kids? i don't think so.

so what can it possibly be?

it must necessarily be that we, as citizens, have the privilege of building and defining OUR own nation, OUR home.

alas, it would seem that the conditions in Singapore doesn't really allow us to do so. not unless you are connected to the inner circle of the political elite. it is no wonder that people get disenfranchised, disillusioned, become good Singaporeans, buy into the entire pysche of economic rationality, discover somewhere else where they can maximise their purchasing power, pack their bags and go.

i find the irony rather unfortunate.

a very wise old man (no, not MM) once explained that HOME comprises of 2 things: HOpe and MEmories. the responsibility of giving hope and collecting memories cannot be shouldered by the government alone. it must be a colllective effort of all Singaporeans. it is thus, in my opinion, time for the government to empower Singaporeans to bear this responsibility of coming together and collectively build OUR Singapore, OUR HOME.

will that happen? will the goverment allow an environment that is conducive for Singaporeans to band together to collectively bear the responsibility of building our nation? or will the government still go on being the over-protective parent that they have been for the last 40 years?

of course there is another side to the argument. will Singaporeans, as a people, grow up enough to earn the government's trust that we can shoulder this responsibility? or will we remain little more than petulant kids, always demanding for the government to do this and that for us, without taking responsibility to think for ourselves, to act for ourselves?

who should move first then? the goverment or the people? or is this a chicken and egg question?

i say that the government should be the one doing something about it. simply because they have the greatest ability and responsibility to. not to accede to our every request, but to educate the people on how to take up this responsibility of self-governance, of nation building (beyond just economic rationality). the people should start to think, to learn, to seek. and in unison, as one moves back and create space, the other is able to come forward to fill that space adequately.

will that happen? i shall remain hopeful... at least for now.

Lameness and Skipping Lectures

Aslam was late last evening. He said this, "Wah, siao la. Jam on the road on the way here."

My response, "Was there bread too?"

Aslam didn't quite get it.

Ah well.

The weather today is so wonderful to sleep in. It reminds me of Bristol. Winter. When it's raining, and I've got my heater cranked up, a little mess tin of water just in front of it so that the room is nicely humid. Wind howling and rain pouring outside and me comfortably wrapped under my duvet, with my a soft sodium light, reading a good book, dozing off occassionally. How idyllic. I guess it was worth skipping those lectures. :)

Death

A dark shroud, a scythe, putrid stench of decay. It creeps on us, insidiously drawing us in to its fatal embrace. We run, we scramble, we beg for mercy, but what do we see? A pallid countenance, empty sockets, rotting flesh and the vast void staring back at us.

We struggle against the creature's vice like grip, it tightens. We train all of our strength, our intelligence towards fighting it, flailing desperately, attempting to fend it off. But to no avail. We call upon divine intervention, no one answers. We wail, we shout, but no one hears us. The creature, devoid of expression, continues to draw us deeper and deeper into the vast emptiness.

Eventually, our strength fades, our will broken. Hope deserts us, fluttering off to find a more conducive perch. Our flailing stops, and then... Silence. No more thumping in our hearts, no more screaming out in trepidition, no more cacophanic jumble of memories of a life gone by, nothing left but an eternal silence.

Would we then find peace? Would we then realise how mistaken we were to have struggled against Death? Would we then realise that perhaps we should accept this inevitible calmly and stoically?

30 seconds with God

i can't seem to get onto my msn today. just as well... considering that i ACTUALLY have work to do. man... this DMSC bullshit is getting to me. on the bright side, when this rubbish is over, it would mean that i would be one milestone closer to ORD!!!!

and guess what my swansong in MCIOO is going to be? i'm going to do that OO booth thing again. this time at some IT Security Seminar. and guess who the GOH will be? PS(D) and CDF. and apparently, they'll be spending at least 30 seconds at each booth. so, for 30 seconds i'll have the full fledged attention of 2 of the most powerful men in MINDEF/SAF. joy. what shall i tell them? shall i tell them about the wonders of OpenOffice? nonono. that would be such a waste of a golden opportunity.

what shall i tell them then? shall i tell them about the bloated bureaucracy that is MINDEF/SAF? shall i fill them up with the warm and fuzzy feelings that come with messages of peace? shall i tell them that about the unjustifiable long tea breaks and lunch breaks that people in MINDEF/SAF take? shall i politely inform them that of the billions of plates chicken rice (that can feed probably thousands of orphans for life) that the Singapore Government can buy if they don't spend so much money on trying to bomb the living shit out of poeple? shall i gently point out that if we can solve a lot of the education problems that children with special needs face if we divert all the resources currently being pumped into SAFTI/MI into setting up a SPED school?

nah. if anything, i shall just tell them how screwed up NS is.

i'm just bitter. actually NS isn't all that bad. there are its defining moments. the question is what are the opportuninty costs of these defining moments.

but actually... if i were to think of it in another way (more optimistic manner...), then yes, a lot of good did come out of my NS time. especially of my injury. see, without my injury, i wouldn't have had all that time to slack. without that time to slack, and the desire to find a meaning for the injury, i wouldn't have went out to seek something to do and thus wouldn't have joined the MCYS Youth workgroups and thus wouldn't have met a group of rather interesting poeple. i wouldn't have learnt so much about so many things about my own country. i also wouldn't have went on to do this Culture Shock stuff (which incidentally is not going to be as successful as i thought it would be... but read on... it has its saving grace) and wouldn't have gotten to know some people better (e.g. Jasmine, Aileen, etc.). there are a whole lot more things that i can go on yaking about... but i realise that it's actually rather tedious and not too interesting. so yar, i won't go on. i think you get the idea. i guess... if it wasn't for NS, if it wasn't for a fateful fall that tore a ligament, i wouldn't have had the chance to do all these things, learnt these lessons and met all these people.

then my pessimism/cynicism kicks in. so what if i learnt all these things, did all these things and met all these people. what have i achieved? thinking seriously about it... not much. really not much. the only sliver of hope is that what might seem pointless now might bear fruit in the future.

i guess i should must remain hopeful. tomorrow will be a better day. or will it?

right. back to thinking about what i should say in the 30 seconds i have.

Naive me

beach-yi said that i was naive to think that i can change what my country wants. i feel that i should address that in my blog proper.

yes. i admit that i am naive. but someone has to be naive. if we look back, i think a lot of things that a lot of people did were considered naive and idealistic. for example, if you were alive in india at the point of time when they were struggling for independence, you would have thought that Ghandi was naive to have come up with the principles of satyagahara. but he managed to win independence of India and showed the world that it can be done in non-violent ways. If you were alive in 1965, you might have thought that Mr Lee Kuan Yew was naive (perhaps even mad) to think that a small island, without natural resources (we don't even have enough clean drinking water for goodness sake) can survive and prosper. But he showed the world that Singapore can. so yes. i am naive.

so, what i meant about trying to reconcile the differences rather than just leaving is that it is a twofold process: change the attitudes of my fellow citizens (and thus changing the attitudes of the country as a whole) and also altering my own. i am not that arrogant and stubborn to think that everything i want is right and thus cannot be changed.

what i am also trying to say is that a lot of times we want this and that to be done in our country. we state so many different demands. but have we considered what other people are demanding as well? their demands might be diametrically (is that how you spell the word?) opposed to what we want. then what's the government going to do? rule by referendum? what if you are in the minority? leave the country? that is where i mean that i would seek reconciliation. how can both parties tweak our demands such that they are not so out of sync? this requires dialogue and debate.

is that being naive? yes it is. but if enough people, driven by the same passion, the same vision are just as naive, then perhaps this naive vision will become a reality. it has been done. it can be done.

God and Babies

I have become Death, Destroyer of worlds.

apparently, that is what Robert Oppenheimer said when he witnessed the detonation of Little Roy. when Einstein witnessed Hiroshima and Nagasaki, he regretted E=MC^2.

and that is the case with most scientific developments. science has progressed at an exponential rate, but our moral restraints, our spiritual growth, our wisdom has not grown. we are like babies wielding the power of Gods.

i just read this article on how the NPT is falling apart in the Asia Times (Working Together to Arm the World). there's this line in there that really stood out: The US and Russia built up such an excess of nuclear bombs during the Cold War that they can string out their dismantlement almost indefinitely without carving into their joint capacity to finish off most of human civilization.

the irony of the situation is that the nuclear haves will use their nuclear arsenal to stop the have-nots from getting the nuclear capacity. for example, Britain has expressed that the principle of no-first-use is incompatible with their doctrine of deterrence and that it may initiate a nuclear war to achieve nuclear disaramament. isn't it ironic?

this can only go to serve a proliferation of nuclear armaments. it's like a multi-party prisoners' dilemna. the most rational outcome is not the best outcome, but the best outcome can only be achieved if EVERY party trusts one another and works for the GREATER GOOD. alas. alas.

nuclear energy. fission and fusion. splitting and joining. the mystery behind the brilliance of the stars, the power of God in our hands. what are we going to do with this great power?

xx

for some reason, i can't link do any linking. but i'm sure you can just google the Asia Times website. and if you are interested to find out more about developments in nuclear energy production, you might want to google ITER too.

Eh... Then why...

am i still single? this survey is so obviously wrong. we have all been duped!!! *humph* shouldn't have given in to peer pressure and done it. so in case you want to do it and find out your 'seduction style' don't bother. it's wrong! WRONG!!!!!

I so ROCK!!!

Your Seduction Style: Ideal Lover

You seduce people by tapping into their dreams and desires.And because of this sensitivity, you can be the ideal lover for anyone you seek.You are a shapeshifter - bringing romance, adventure, spirituality to relationships.It all depends on who your with, and what their vision of a perfect relationship is.

href="What'>http://www.blogthings.com/seducerquiz/">What Is Your Seduction Style?

Random Stuff

i realise that of all the months in the year, most of my friends are born in May. And June as well. even in my office. 5 out of 15 people have their birthdays in may and june. i wonder why. is this a phenomenon that is specific to my group of friends or are is May and June the most popular months for child-births? does anyone have any statistics on the distribution of birthdays throughout the year?

anyways... we were talking about the dictionaries today and Chan Meng (one of my colleagues) introduced us to the online Webster dictionary. he told us that this site goes as far as telling you all the anagrams that you could form with the word that you initially searched for. and then he mentioned that it is a good tool to use for playing grabble. Steve (deputy director of the office), who was just walking by, added, "you can't play grabble with TIT bits". alas, Cheok wasn't around to hear that.

xx

gosh this post is really inane. it wasn't even funny. not even my little anecdote of how you can't play grabble with tit bits. but it was really funny when steve mentioned it. i think it was all about the timing. and the fact that Cheok's little Freudian slip was still fresh in our minds. i guess that that's the thing about sitcoms. it's about the situation. most of our lives can be quite funny if we deign to look at it in a funny way.

i remember one of the best laughs that i've had. it was before an exam in our second year. we were sick of being nervous and all that, so the group of us went to a pub for lunch. we had the usual jovial bantering throughout the entire lunch. but towards the end, we started talking about where Anna (Scaife, my course mate...) stayed. it was opposite some strip club. Will promptly added that that's where they have pole dancers. and Lowry quickly chipped in, saying that Kate should try to be a pole dancer because it pays well. Will then said that Anna can be the pole and provide the accompaniment. Then Anna had to remind us that she can't sing, but can only go 'bum bum bum'. and Cheng delivered the punchline. at the top of his voice, he declared with much aplomb, "Ladies and Gentlemen, introducing, the exotic Kate and her bumming Pole!" so great. Anna's Brit by day, Pole by night (i wonder whether the Britain and/or Poland allow for dual citizenships. hmm...). and she bums. Kate couldn't stop laughing. and when Kate laughs she turns beetroot red (the way i turn beetroot red when i drink alcohol...). and she couldn't stop laughing. we thought she was going to asphyxiate. and when we went into the exam hall, she was still giggling. calmer but still giggling. she didn't stop until almost close to the proper start of the exam.

see... it's not as funny now when i recount it. but when it actually happened. we had a good time. i guess it's cos laughter is contagious. so we ended up laughing at Kate laugh. which made her laugh even harder, which made us laugh even harder, which... you get the idea.

man... i miss those days in bristol. and in UCL as well of course. slack life of a student. but slack as it was, i did learn some really important lessons. like why you should never eat yellow snow (why do you think snow would be yellow? cos someone peed on it la!). and those interesting discussions that the group of us had after aikido. like why you can't possibly wank your way back to Earth (no matter how... virile you are...) if you are set adrift in space (cos while the reaction force of the semen being ejaculated would propel you in a certain direction, when the semen hits the space suit, the reaction force on the space suit would serve to move you in exactly the opposite direction. so the net effect is that you remain stationary. and they said that physics is boring...). so you see, taxpayers' money have been well-spent. :)

well... i'll have to make a trip back to Bristol and London the moment i make enough money to finance the trip.

Happy Day

Happy day,
Watch him sway
See him play
Oh so gay!

xx

not refering to anyone in particular, nor refering to any real incident.

another thing. can you imagine if someone who doesn't really understand english gets elected into office. imagine what he would do during swearing in ceremony:

"Presenting Mr Whatever!"

Mr Whatever marches in with much fanfare, shouting at the top of his voice:

"Fuck, Cheebye, Nah Beh, Asshole, Hong Gan!!!"

well... it's a SWEARING in after all right?

Death and Taxes

there are 2 things in life that you can be certain of: Death and Taxes. and even that, you can't be all too sure of taxes.

Death comes to us all. rich or poor, powerful or miserable, Death is the great leveller. a character in a book that i once read had this fictional exchange with Genghis Khan. Genghis Khan, shortly before his death, told this character, Guo Jing, he (Khan) had dominated all lands, as far as the eye can see. In response to that, Guo Jing drew a rectangle, about 2m by 0.5 meters in the sand. pointing to this rectangle, he said to Khan, "and that is how much land you will take up when you die."

it is an inevitable fact of life that everyone dies. the moment we are born, we are one step closer to our Death. Dr Wee has just passed that threshold that forever seperates him from the living. and as i watch all the tributes to him, one question came to mind. i try not to think about it, but i can't help myself. i would like to write about it, but i'm afraid that it would be misconstrued and that i might get into trouble for it. but i've decided to write it anyways.

what would happen when Mr Lee Kuan Yew passes on? how would Singaporeans react? how would Singapore be like when we realise that the closest person we have to the father of our nation will no longer be able to address us?

i've never known a Singapore without Mr Lee Kuan Yew. i don't think many people have. i'm sure most youngsters would know him, even though he's stepped down long ago, his presence still permeates many aspects of Singapore.

his passing will truly signal the end of an era. his passing will truly mean that Singapore would have to stand on our own. we will no longer have him speak to us in his aggressive tone of voice, so full of conviction. we wouldn't have the pyschological and emotional familiarity of this powerful politician to hold on to.

i remember Mr Lee saying that even after he passes on, should Singapore need him, he will jump from his grave to come to Singapore's aid. we know that that is not possible. so Singapore would have to be ready for that day that Mr Lee passes on. we have to make sure that he can truly go in peace, knowing that Singapore will continue to prosper regardless, that Singapore will become a great country regardless. we owe Mr Lee that much.

xx

i am in no way cursing Mr Lee Kuan Yew. i wish that he would have many more years with us. but it is a fact that all people die. and i am just voicing my opinions of how i would feel when he passes. and how i think our country might feel when he passes. please, if you need to quote me for any reasons, do not quote me out of context. thanks.

Do you love your country?

would you stay in your country even if a better job opportunity presents itself somewhere else? would you still stay in your own country if you are able to go to another which has better living conditions at lower prices? would you do all these because your country needs you to stay? if you would, then perhaps you love your country.

would you stay and fight the system because you know that in fighting the system, you would make your country a better place? would you risk all your stable life just so that you can make lives better for your country man? would you be willing to see past differences to work together with erstwhile opponents so that you can create a better tomorrow? if you could, then perhaps you love your country.

would you be willing to give your life for your country? and gladly do so? if you do, then perhaps you love your country.

if you are willing to do all these for seemingly no logical reasons, not because it is greater than any other countries, not because it is perfect. if you are willing to do all these despite of (and perhaps even inspite of) the faults and shortcomings of your country, if you are willing to do all these for no other reasons other than the fact that this is YOUR country, YOUR nation, YOUR home, THEN perhaps you love your country.

do you love your country?

On a lighter note

we finally figured out why Jimmy only got a C6 for his Chinese 0-levels. his chinese teacher had big... assets. so instead of look at his books, he was looking at her boobs. and you know what they say about men with big feet. they have big...

shoes you idiot. what were you thinking of?!!!

Response to Garota's post

you might need to read Garota's post (coming of age) to make sense of what i'm writing here:

the same issue is happening the world over, in varying degrees. the world is a shit place. it has always been. and as Thomas Jefferson put it very aptly, experience hath shewn that man is more disposed to suffer while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the systems to which they are accustomed to. Christ will always get cruxified, Galileo will always be excommunicated. truth will always be ridiculed and persecuted with a vengenece before being accepted.

but someone has to do it. someone has to be willing to buck the trend, fight the tide, hopeless and pointless as it may seem, sacrificing one's life if needed. someone has to be willing to be that sacrificial lamb. so my question, perhaps challenge to you is, yes, you make very valid points, we all know what's wrong. do we DARE to do anything about it? are we WILLING to do anything about it? or are we going to complain about the inadequacies of our society and use these complaints as an excuse to leave? or are we going to know these inadequacies and stay to change them?

i love my country. no doubt about it. i hate some of the things that happen here. but running a country is not easy. there are a thousand and one concerns. no, i'm not an apologist for the government. but we must appreciate that there are certain things that we do not see at our level. and there are things that we see that they don't at their level. it thus becomes our responsibility to bring it up to them and convince them that these are important things that they should see.

ask ourselves something though, do we believe that our government has good intentions? i believe they do (i'm not just saying this because i believe that ISD is monitoring my blog... but because i truly believe in it...). in that case, it's a matter of convincing them that we also have the intentions of our nation at heart when we speak up. make no mistakes about it. this is by no means an easy task. but it is our duty as citizens to do so. so it's about making a value proposition, presenting a well argued cost and benefits analysis.

yes. i agree with you that we should not be contented with just the mediocrities of life, of just having 2.3 kids, and 3-room flats and all. but it's only human to want to have at least the basic necessitites of life of food, shelter, etc. the point is to be able to have the option of looking beyond these basic necessities and have hope for achieving a higher purpose.

yes. life is more than just rational choices. it is also about emotions. but we cannot just run a country based on emotions. see what Hitler managed to do... or Ghandi (yes, he managed to deliver India from British Imperialist rule, but into 5 decades of poverty. i.e. emotions without clear thinking can lead to much suffering). what are the alternatives? let's look at them, consider the emotions and eventually make the decisions and live with these decisions, tweaking (or overhauling) them as we go along

but back to the most important (in my opinion) point of this post. with all the things that we are commenting/complaining about our nation, are we going to say, "chuck it. this place is fucked-up. i'm out of here." or are we going to say, "this place is so fucked up now. but i love this place. and because i love this place, i'm going to stay to make it better, regardless."?

garota, i hope your response will be similar to the latter one.

Unanswered Questions

Aileen's been telling me that one doesn't need to have all the answers to all the questions that we have. i agree. but sometimes, there are just some questions which would not go away. they seem to be lodged in my subconsciousness, like a splinter in the thumb, barely perceptible, and irritatingly so. it's like a scab that you just can't help scratching. and the more you scratch it, the more you worsen it. what's worse is that once in a while, these questions float into the conscious mind and just keeps you awake. like what happened last night. but the funny thing is, now, i can't remember what it was that i was thinking about. i guess it was just too many thing jumbled into one. and slowly, as i finally drifted into sweet slumber, these thoughts, these questions subsided into the subconsciousness.

and one of the questions just surfaced into my conscious memory as i was typing my text message to Aileen. and this question is a very important one. why does my phone not spell words like 'bitch', 'shit', 'damn' and 'fuck'? i'm sure it doesn't spell chee bye either. not that i've tried. it leads me to believe that the phone is thoroughly singaporeanized with its in-built censorship. i guess whoever designed and programmed the phone must really have had very delicate sensitivities that would be offended by the mildest of vulgarities. but it's alright. i am currently in the happy process of educating my mobile phone to the joys of uncouth language. so guys, beware. soon i'll be sending messages like: "that god damn bitch of a cheebye fuckface should go eat shit and die!!!"

sheesh. that sounded really angry. but i'm not. really. in fact, other than being tired, i'm really fine. it's just that there is nothing in this place that inspires me. and the fact that it's quite warm in here doesn't help. i think the aircon people have decided to take revenge on us for complaining by turning the airconditioning system off. now see... if it was MM Lee's (Bless His soul and May peace be upon his name) was working here, this place would be maintained at a cool 18 degrees Celsius. i wonder whether Nexus is cooler. after all, they do have MM's picture there...

ah hack it. at least we are going out for lunch. Mr Tam's driving. :)

Wooooooooooooork...

there is no greater joy than dragging one's sorry ass into work after a long weekend. the thrill of it all is almost too much to bear. especially since i didn't get much sleep last night. i'm not quite sure why i couldn't sleep either. there were just many voices in my head. one thought chasing after another, unanswered questions that refuse to go away. has anyone of you been in that position before?

and so i got into work. it took every single ounce of determination, every single last shred of what little work ethics i have to get off my bed, out of the house and into work. the first thing i noticed was that the aircon has once again eloped with the refrigerator (if you don't understand what i'm talking about, you are fortunate. but if you really want to find out, you can check out my previous post...). this just will not do. someone has to throw this blardy air-con into a pig's basket and drown it. but the refrigerator can stay. in this illicit relationship of theirs, you can clearly see who's wearing the pants.

gosh. and people are only starting to stream in. i tell you, when the cat's away, the mice come out to play. i wonder how much cheok has lost already. he's the director of this office (remember the Indian Tit bits?) and he's off in Las Vegas, ostensibly for some work, but we all know what he does there... our office euphemistically calls it risk taking. but that's really just taking the piss if anything. in the long run, the house always wins.

man... this post is lame. but it is all i can do to stay awake. and it's only bloody 9!!! i'm in for a long day today. but i really have some work to do today. work which i can't do until joseph gets in.

by the end of this month, i am out of here. i can't wait for that to happen. and then i'll get to laze around, bum for a while. i think i'll go hang out at the pool. or the beach. if i can get people to go to the beach with.

i hope i don't feel this way when i actually start working. it would be so horrid. would i actually enjoy teaching? i had an image of me floundering as a teacher yesterday. it felt horrible. not really because i felt the compunction for ruining the lives of those little buggers, but because i just didn't want to do it. for that moment yesterday, i felt that i really didn't want to work. that i would want to just bum around, chilling, being non-productive... economically that is. i think i was just tired. or perhaps it is because i was afraid that i might come up short in my job that i thus feel that i didn't want to work so that i can avoid the whole prospect of failure altogether.

i have friends who think that i'm driven. i'm not. i'm a bloody slacker. wrong. i think i vascillate. sometimes i am driven sometimes i'm not. it's to do with how well i expect myself to perform in that task. if i think i'll do well, then i'll perform. if not, then i won't. telling about my personality isn't it?

i need food.

Chewren nowsadays arh...

i really should be sleeping. but my stomach is acting up. gastric. hereditary problem. my mother has it, my brother has it. the force runs strong in my family. erm... what was i saying again? ah... gastric. not the force. though the Force is an interesting topic to speak of. Star Wars III is coming soon.

anyways. when i was running today, i saw this family just sitting by the side of the track. the kid was trying to hit the father (i'm presuming it's the father. or uncle.). and my first thought was, "if i was that father, i would have smacked the living shit out of that boy!" what insolence?!!! firstly, that pipsqueek is so small that the father can probably beat him into a pulp in an all out brawl. secondly, gosh, how ungrateful can the boy be? has he not heard of the phrase, "don't bite the hand that feeds you?" if you want to hit your dad, at least wait till you have repaid all the money and time that he has invested in bringing you up. i tell you hor... chewren nowsadays arh.... jin bo tua bo soi arh.

what i cannot stand about some young boys is the way they 'act' tough. the way the think they somehow can go into a fight, win and solve whatever it was they were trying to solve. it's as if they have this glorified notion of fighting and violence, some false bravado feeding on a massive pool of testosterone. most of them start really young. when they are much too small in built to win in a fight with me (i can squash them by just sitting on them...). when i see such kids, i really just feel like giving them a good thrashing.

and i realise that i'm guilty of the thing that i'm against. while you look into the abyss does the abyss not look back into you. while you try to stop the monster, beware that you become one yourself.

i guess that these kids have been hit one too many times themselves, so much so that the only way that the know how to solve problems is by hitting back. no one has taught them any viable alternatives to violence. it takes a lot more effort to not be violent. the way of harmony is a long and difficult road.

the question i have therefore is this. how can we teach these kids that it is not right to hit someone? how do we teach these kids respect? how do we initiate these kids on the way of harmony? how do we communicate to these kids that the only surest way to victory is to not need to fight in the first place? these are questions that i have been trying to find the answer for since my stint with Beyond Social Services. I have not found an answer yet. Anyone can help?

What is our greatest fear?

By Marianne Williamson from her book A Return to Love
Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate,but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us. It is not just in some; it is in everyone. And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

xx

I've actually read this before on someone's wall in Bristol. But I only got reminded of it when i went to watch Coach Carter. Though it makes references to God it is nonetheless a beautiful and meaningful piece of inspirational writing.

Dinner at Coffee Club

so there we were at the coffee club. the one at raffles place. and Dr V. went up to say something. and as i looked at him, one thought came to mind. at first, it was barely beneath consciousness. then slowly, it bubbled up. i tried to dismiss it. but it persisted. i tried to brush it off. but it grew more concrete. and i couldn't take it anymore. it became a voice so loud that i could not ignore. it screamed out to me: "That girl is damn cute!"

i didn't really hear what Dr V. said. was too busy oogling at that girl sitting directly in my line of sight. but well... i'm sure what Dr V. said was inspiring and made sense. it must have. he was afterall handpicked by the great PAP. oh... and the mighty PSC as well. of course he would be a wellspring of wisdom. not that it mattered to me at that point of time. all i could do was look at that girl. alas, me being me, i didn't know, didn't dare to go up to her and talk to her. how do you do that? it would be so adrupt. so wrong. so well... i left it at that. after the most wonderful and inspiring speech by minister, i got my food and went back to rejoin my fellow youth connect members. and we chatted a bit and caught up on one another's lives and all.

i think the main takeaway that night was... chicken wings. actually, i'm not sure. but definitely not the cod. or the smoked salmon. they were quite popular. so don't think there'll be much left to take away.

well... the workgroups thing is kind of officially over. hopefully we can get moving with getting the next round started. if nothing, at least i've made some friends through this thing (that includes you Bern!). :)

Random blogging

My blog is so super random. I was just reading through some of my previus post and i realise that if a person who doesn't know me were to read my blog, they might think that I'm schizo. Actually, sometimes, I do think that I am schizo. Hey! Who are you calling schizo? Dude, that big black one might be schizo, but definitely not me man. I ain't no freaking schizo. Sigh. See what I mean?

Anyways, yar. Ying was commenting that I have a lot of things to express my views on and I express these views on my blog. And she was complaining that when she blogs, it's all about her and her Jin. Actually... I realise that I hate writing about the things that happen to me. Perhaps because nothing really interesting happens to my life. Just the daily inanities (is there such a word? well... there is now!). I suppose if I get attached, I might start writing about my 'honeymoon' period and my girlfriend and all. But well... I have as much chance of getting attached as a you have of finding a snow flake in hell. But if that does indeed happen, then I'll tell you the date that we got together and you can go buy 4D. I recommend 20 Big 20 Small. If tiok, must remember to share with me yar. :)

Big Toe

have you realised how important your big toe is? apparently, without your big toe, you will have serious problems walking and you wouldn't be able to run. i think that there is some truth in that. the next time you walk, just feel the pressure on your foot and you will realise that it is your big toe that is responsible for 'pushing off' (for want of better phrases... you know what i mean right?). so yar. your big toes are very very important appendages.