New Life

we went down to see Chan Meng's newborns (Chan Meng's one of my colleagues) yesterday. Chan Meng has always struck me as a very rational, no-nonsense guy. i've never thought of him as someone with a 'softer' side. but when he held his newborn, it was a whole new different side of him that i saw. i saw an expression of pure, irrational joy and pride.

Yeap (another colleague) commented that that's probably the only time when people are happy to be in the hospital. and i agree with him. there is an inexplicably inate beauty in the genesis of a new life. its a mystery that is so miraculous that touches the greatest depths of our soul, eliciting from us a sentiment which borders on ecstasy.

i remember the time when Cheng told me that his sister's pregnant with her first child. i simply felt very very happy.

man... i really don't know how to describe the feeling. it's like... for that one moment, everything, all the conniving bastards that tread on your toes, all the duplicitous politicking that one has to engage in to succeed, all the carnage and death and maiming that goes on around the world, all the shit that one has to deal with, the mundane mediocrities of life, everything... everything just fades away, to be replaced by a joy so pure, so sublime that it almost hurt.

gosh... do you know what i mean?

i wonder how i will feel when i first become a father (if ever...). i can see it actually. in the ward, it'll be dark, wife will be asleep. it'll be silent except for the gentle breathing of my wife. and i'll be holding the baby, looking into the guileless countenance. i will be smiling and at the same time, i will be crying. it'll be tears of anxiety, of caution, of fear, of gratitude and of joy. and everything will be alright.