Skin Deep

now we all know that beauty is skin deep. so perhaps we should be less superficial when looking for our potential partners. instead, perhaps we should look for something deeper.

like pockets. more utility to be gotten from deep pockets. afterall, looks tend to deteriorate with time, but pockets would only get deeper (usually at least...).

so perhaps for me to be more attractive, i shouldn't bother about preening and all and just focus on deepening my pockets...

Chewing gum that sticks

dear PM mentioned in his NDRS about what he thinks he can do in Singapore that Hu Jintao can't do in China. and his example was that he can ban chewing gum in Singapore and make it stick.

hello?!!! how's that a source of pride?! that we are an autocratic government, more so than communist China?!

but of course his point wasn't that. his point was that he could institute a policy and the whole nation, theoretically, would fall behind it, moving as an orchestrated whole to make that policy a succeess and eventually lead to greater development.

but the example of chewing gum was just inappropriate.

i think a better example would have been how when Dr Goh Keng Swee came up with a blueprint to industrialise, and how that required the labour movement to work together with the employers and the government, we got our act together, biting the bullet sometimes, and manage to move nimbly enough to attract FDI and resulting in the phenomenal, near miraculous economic growth that we have.

and when we went into the electronics industry, same thing happened. we all got our act together really quickly, no quarrels, no bickering, just go. and that gave us the nimbleness we needed.

however, can the same modus operandi work in this day and age of the knowledge base economy, where even politicians have publicly admitted that they don't have all the answers?

or should we be more open to questioning, not to undermine the power of the government, but rather to open to ideas, so that we can collectively think creatively? or are we still saying that we can afford to be a people of lemmings following every single diktat that comes from the government?

i cannot stress enough that what i've said means that i am against the government. in fact, i am supportive. i think PM has his heart in the right place. and that is all the more reason why i think we should start speaking up, to inform him and his government where we think they might have erred so that they can do things better faster, and eventually benefitting themselves and the nation as a whole.

GST(y)

so... after all that is said, what exactly was done? was there actually anything to that speech other than the Great Smile, Thank you, or as a friend puts it the GST.

well... for a start, this year's speech was shorter with a break scheduled in the middle of it. perhaps that was an executive instruction from up above (you know... when someone gets old, bladder becomes weaker, has to sleep earlier, etc.)

and perhaps this was an election rally. some would argue otherwise as there doesn't seem to be enough goodies dished out. but it was overall a feel good speech, attempting to make people think that the prospects are bright. or perhaps our dear government has realised that they do not even have to resort to goodies to win votes.

of course, all these are pure speculation. i think what we can be sure of about the speech is that it was intended to create a sense of euphoria amongst the people with by giving an exciting vision of the future. but perhaps only the younger members of our nation will be truly excited about this vision of fireworks, steel, glass and glitz.

to the middle aged, working adult, struggling to make ends meet, worried about whether or not they might be retrenched, the vision that was painted could be a little grating. true, the numbers shows that the economy is picking up. but the reality on the ground is that SME's are still struggling, people are still worried about their jobs, the economic recovery still does not address issues of structural unemployment. so, there are some very real problems that the speech did not address.

also, the vision that was painted focused very much on development of hard spaces: big buildings of glass and steel, how to continue growing economically, education, etc. nothing new. but what about development of the soft spaces? things like developing a vibrant civil society, a distinct and unique singaporean culture and identity, moving away from material wealth to other forms of wellbeing (i.e. moving up Mazlow's hierarchy). i am not suggesting that it is wrong to speak about material development, mapping out how we can continue to have great economic growth, addressing bread and butter issues, we should address these issues. but perhaps we should move on to more concrete ways of how exactly all of us can play our part in remaking our Singapore (which was the theme of the NDRS anyways), or are we again to just follow instructions of the MIW? if that is the case, then, in my opinion, we are not really remaking Singapore fundamentally enough to become a truly great nation in this Knowledge Age.

but having said all that, i guess the NDRS wasn't all that bad. it was an ok speech. could have been better. i guess we could have a little less on those grandoise mega projects, a bit more on addressing the concerns of people from the ground, a bit more on the soft spaces and perhaps a different shirt. though i think the part where PM spoke about the earlier NDPs, when he related his own story of being in one, and then subsequently losing what most of us thought was a water tight composure demonstrated that he is human after all. it brought him down to a level which, somehow, we can relate to. if it was a planned, orchestrated move, then it was damn well executed, because i think a lot of people at that moment felt that his heart was in the right place and that our PM really meant what he said and that he really does want the best for our Singapore. i think a lot of people would have been moved by how he described the Singapore spirit that brought us to where we are, and inspired to somehow go on to recreate a Singapore Spirit that would see us through many more decades to come.

another comment that i have about the speech is about how sycophantic our local media can be. the media has, over the past few days, been featuring those guys whom PM mentioned, placing them up on pedastals as if they were heroes to be worshipped. not that there is anything wrong with that (every society needs heroes), but i wonder whether the media would have even known that these people existed if they were not mentioned by the PM at all.

well... experience tells us that the euphoria of NDRS takes a couple of weeks to settle down. that is when people calm down enough to really think critically of the various policies, directions and visions that the PM has spelt out. that is when reality sets in and people really asks whether the NDRS actually addressed the problems of the common man on the streets and whether the speech was really that spectacular after all.

at this point in time, i would rate the NDRS at 6/10.

Good Acting Pays

and so there we were. sitting in Olio Dome, planning our next step in world domination. then Aaron mentioned that this friend of his, Eva, is on some US State Department sponsored program that is nothing but a euphemism for a free holiday.

that caught Jon's attention. "Alas," Aaron said, "It's only for Muslims. It's the State Department's way of showing that they are not against Islam and Muslims."

Jon's immediate response was "I can be Muslim! I've managed to fool my parents into thinking that I'm Anglican for my entire life. I'm sure I can convince the State Department that I am Muslim for 3 weeks."

and you thought i was irreverent.

but those guys really do have such sharp wit. and amidst our irreverence, we were trying to plan to corrupt the youths of Singapore.

no, i jest. we were trying to conceptualise a seminar for pre-U students to come together to explore the challenges that multi-racialism pose to Singapore in this globalised world.

it was an interesting evening.

Justifying Pay

one of my lecturers suggested that we should pay teachers who teach in Normal Tech schools more than those who teach in the top schools. he is of the opnion that the teachers in the former group are the ones who work harder and actually educate.

he further thinks that teachers in the latter group don't really work. which is partially true. in those top schools, whether or not the teachers teach, the students will probably study on their own, get private tutors to help them, and somehow, through sheer genius still end up doing well.

methinks he has a point there. teachers in normal tech schools tend to deal with much more than just teaching. and so, if they really want to be good teachers, as opposed to just doing a job and passing time, then they really have to work very hard.

so perhaps we really should pay teachers who teach in normal tech schools more so that teachers in these schools will be more motivated to do a good job in educating these 'poor students' so that these students can then find their own way to success. this is aligned with our PM's vision of an inclusive society, of mountain ranges rather than just high peaks with many routes to success.

When You Believe

heard that song over the weekend. nearly cried. cos reminded me of the following:

watching Prince of Egypt with a short, petite, rather silly, but quite intelligent girl.

playing, and losing most of the games, bubble puzzle with said little girl.

many long conversations about numerous random things.

helping her with her work.

being her 'model'.

walking along Singapore River for an entire night.

and many many more other memories.

in a few days time, she will be turning 21. she is still short, but a little meatier now, still silly, but a bit more matured, still intelligent, but a bit wiser.

but what is most important, i still love her.

Ying, dear cousin, i really miss you.

Happy 21st my dear.

Indictment of Singaporean Males

friend was lamenting that all her friends are getting engaged. so i, tongue in cheek (yes... just my cheek and no where else...), asked, "so when's your turn?"

she replied, matter of factly, "when i lower my expectations."

what an indictment of Singaporean males. or perhaps it's just indicative of how unrealistic Singaporean females are. perhaps in expecting the males to be of a certain quality, the females have forgotten to consider whether they themselves deserve to have a mate of that high quality.

having said that, my friend who made that comment is indeed quite attractive.

Painful Songs

there are some songs that are too painful to listen to. there is a particular one that is exceptionally painful because it is so recent. and someone's singing it on tv now. fortunately, it is pretty badly mangled, so it has become physically painful to listen to it, which sure beats being in emotional pain.

i think kelvin (the one who is blind... i tried being politically correct... but let's call a spade a spade la har... like how i am stupid, arrogant, and foolish...) will lose the Project Superstar competition. he is talented, definitely has guts and it would be such a fairy tale if he won. alas, he just isn't there yet.

and you know that Singapore is truly multi-racial when after you have Singapore Idol, you have similar version in other mother tongue.

speaking of Singapore Idol, apparently, the Singapore Idol Final Results Show is one of the most watched shows. and it is one of 2 shows that was watched by a large proportion of all the ethnic groups. what does this say about Singaporeans? that music transcends language barriers? or Mat and Beng bring people of all ethnicity together? i'm open to suggestions.

the other show that is watched by a large proportion of all the ethnic groups is... NDP! but that is probably because that show flooded the airwaves, dominated every single channel and is the only show that you can watch at that point of time. so lan lan, bo pian, have to watch that. but i bet most people were just waiting for it to end so that they can watch Mat and Beng on Shooting Stars. more like shooting birds la.

ah well. on other news, i do hope that the Gaza pullout proceeds peacefully. and am glad that Aceh peace deal is signed. but concerned that Iran is restarting its nuclear programme and filling its Cabinet with hardliners. sometimes, it feels like we are moving 2 steps back for every step we move ahead.

National Day Rally this Sunday. i wonder whether there will be a plethora of goodies this year. perhaps more bonuses for civil servants? higher employer contributions to CPF?

argh!!! more silly Singaporeans fawning over President Nathan. don't get me wrong. i agree with Jasmipoopz that he is definitely qualified to be the president. but i wonder whether those whom you see on TV (i.e. those random people who are interviewed) actually know much about him, whether they have, as Jasmipoopz has, done their research on what President Nathan has done to deserve to be the President and worthy of praise.

i think the main problem with the entire Presidential Election issue is that, after all this while, the powers that be still doesn't trust us, the people of Singapore, to make enlightened choices. if Andrew Kuan is really such a rubbish candidate, then even if he goes for elections, i'm sure he would lose. and the same goes for any other candidates. but no. we, the people of Singapore, are not to be trusted to make such an important decision. i say, bollocks. i say that every Signaporean citizen, unless proven otherwise, should have the right to stand for election. and the people then decide who they want to be their president.

it is time that the powers that be start trusting the people. and if they don't trust the people, if they don't think that the people are enlightened to make that choice, then, rather than make the choices for us, it is time that they create conditions for the people to become enlightened. after all, as a very wise friend of mine said once, an enlightened populous is the ultimate safeguard of a society. so perhaps it is time that the government starts creating the conditions for us to become an enlightened populous.

but how? well... the best way to teach someone responsibility is to... give it to them! it's quite a catch 22 that the government will never get their head around.

right. i've rambled on long enough. sighz. pity. that song is actually a very nice song. ah well.

Lion Head Fish Tail

otherwise known as the grotesque monstrosity that is the merlion. and i think i did quite a good impression of it last night.

i'm not sure why though. there are times when i drink a lot more than what i did and am still quite relatively alright (i.e. only sleepy). but last night was horrible. so damn unglam.

in any case, i did enjoy myself, when i was actually conscious. and not trying to break the world record for projectile vomitting. thanks peeps. :)

Majullah Bank Account

dearest Singapore is 40 years old. and amidst all the joy and jubilation, amidst all the grand national day observance ceremonies (i wonder what the economic impact on Singapore all these celebrations related to National Day amounts to...), amidst all the choreographed outpouring of patriotism, i discover, to my great joy, that I HAVE RECEIVED MY FIRST PAY!!! lalalalalalala!!!! :)

someone i know made a very interesting observation at National Day celebrations at Jurong East. i am hoping that she wouldn't mind me posting her observations on my blog.

in any case, i've got to get back to doing some silly article review (which is worth 20% of 2 academic units) so that i can enjoy myself over the weekend.

sheesh... since when did i become so conscientious. or kiasu. i tell you arh... NIE is really not good for my image. i've attended every single lecture (those who know me well enough will know that i don't usually attend lectures), worse yet, i've been awake for most of them (even rarer feat...). and i've actually turned down a free trip to Japan because i have to attend classes! 2 years ago, i would have been counting down to meeting all those oh so kawaii girls in their sailor moon uniforms and... *drifts off in fantasy*...

sighz. sighz. sighz.

but at least i've got my pay! :)

Third or First

Jas commented that my posts written in the third person is unnerving. somehow, even though i am writing about my personal experiences, i feel that the effect would be better if i wrote in the third person rather than the first.

in any case, the previous post was about me staring out the window one night when i was in london. i couldn't sleep. my mind was cluttered, reflecting about various things, wondering why people meet and relationships end... somethings just don't change.

the other post written in third person is about my grandma's bday. speaking of grandma, she's in the hospital. broke out in very bad rash apparently. mom didn't care to explain much. will have to find out more later today.

man... it's way past my bedtime.

A Cold Night

it was a cold night. a thin layer of fog shrouded the streets like a gossamer veil, bestowing the surroundings with a certain ethereal surreality.

he stared out of the window. his mind darted from one thought to another, never dwellling on one for any length of time. he was searching for something, but he did not know what.

outside, he saw a hooded figure, wrapped under a thick jacket, hurrying across the road. the sodium light of the street lamps was diffused into little round blobs that resembled will-o-wisps frozen in the middle of a whimsical dance.

a train rumbled by. a lanky man in a long jacket was nodding off in it. there was a lady in a technicolour knitted pullover. a port-bellied middle aged man was reading what looked like the day's newspapers.

why were these people out so late? where were they going? home presumably. to a home warmed by the presence of a loving family? or to a flat cluttered but empty? into the arms of a delighted lover? or the embrace of 4 cold walls?

his eyes tracked the train for as far as possible. he thought about the passengers on board. their paths crossed for an instant, in that instant, their fates intersected. he knew that each of the passengers had a story. but he will never know what their stories were, or how their stories would continue, or end. he was but a footnote in their unfolding lives and them in his. was there any reason for that brief encounter? perhaps, perhaps not.

he smiled, knowing that he has discovered another mystery that he will never solve. he felt beauteous Sleep gently beckoning him into her realm of nebulous reverie, bidding him to turn away from his musings and fall into the sweet comfort of rest and respite. he opened his window slightly to let some of the cold air in, turned and crawled into bed.

Cui Bono?

Why am I essentially giving I. free tuition?

Simply because he is capable of saying things like this:
"You know the person who put money in the letterbox arh? Wah... she altogether put $3000 leh. If I get $3000, I give my mother $1000, $1000 I put in bank, earn interest and $1000 I take and treat my friends."

At this point, I'd like to share a story that you might have heard/read before. But I think it's apt:

An elderly man was taking a stroll on a beach one evening. It was such a beautiful evening for a stroll. The setting sun gave the horizon a crimson red tinge. The tide was just receding. There was a gentle breeze.

In the distance, elderly man saw a little figure doing a strange dance. This little figure seemed to be bending down then flailing his arms wildly in the air. It was strange enough to pique the elderly man's curiousity. He walked closer to the figure and it dawned upon him that the little figure was a young boy. And he wasn't dancing. He was bending down, picking something up and throwing that something into the sea.

As the elderly man got even closer, he discovered what that young boy was picking up. Starfishes. The whole beach was littered with them. They must have been washed up as the tide came in and now are stranded as the tide receeded.

The elderly man was still pretty perplexed by what he saw. The elderly man got close enough to the boy to talk to him. The elderly man asked, "Young boy, why do you do what you do? Do you not see that the whole beach is littered with starfishes? There is no way you can make any difference."

The boy looked at the elderly man, smiled, bent down, picked up a starfish and, with all his might, flung it back into the sea.

"I made a difference to that one."

I know a starfish who needs and wants to find its way back to the sea. It's just 1. 1 life at a time. It isn't much, but because it isn't much, there is no reason why I shouldn't do it.

Death by Chocolate

i went to watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. it was enjoyable. though i thought Depp's portrayal of Wonka was a bit too dark. i remembered the Willy Wonka from the Roald Dahl's book to be slightly more avuncular.

i thought the show was rather surreal... in a good way. i absolutely loved the Oompa Lumpa's songs. for film aficionados, watch out for the homage to Edward Scissorhands and Kubrick's 2001.

i was contemplating going into a discussion on how the film alluded to issues of structural unemployment, economic restructuring and skills upgrading but it's too late at night. and i have to wake up early for class tomorrow. so i shall save this discussion for later. perhaps.

Punny

Little bunny,
Oh so funny,
My dear honey,
Show me the money.

Happy Birthday

He braced hismself for an evening of false politeness. He was not disappointed. The moment he stepped into the restaurant, he was greeted by smiling faces of people he hadn't seen for the whole year. He took in a deep breath, summoned up all his skills in deception accumulated through years of training in drama and debate and greeted them with the brightest smile he could muster, being as friendly to them as his conscience would allow.

They started telling him that he has lost weight. Were they just being courteous? Or were they truly concerned? How long have they not seen him to be able to have noticed that he lost weight? Some still thought that he was studying in UK. Some thought that he was still in NS. Others did not even dare to venture a guess.

He and his parents quickly made it to where they were designated to sit. His mother went off to talk to her sisters and sisters-in-laws. She went about it with a certain order. There was protocol to be followed, one too complex for him to understand.

He scanned the room, trying to put names to those vaguely familiar faces. He realised how much some of them have changed, some have blossomed like flowers in spring while others have had more lines added to their faces. He realised that he knew more about his friends than he did about the people in that room. He realised that he felt closer to his friends than these people who were supposed to be share blood ties with him. He realised that he could depend more on his friends to listen to him, to understand him, to support him in his time of need than these people who were supposed to be his family.

His musings were interrupted by the arrival of a old, bent, rotund lady. She has seen much in life. And that evening was to mark the beginning of her 86th year. She could not really walk. She needed the support of her umbrella to steady herself. She hobbled laboriously towards where she was supposed to sit. One by one, people went up to greet her, wishing her many happy returns. He went up to wish her happy birthday. She looked at him with vague recognition. He wanted to say more, but found that he had nothing much to say. He knew that there were more people behind him eager to fulfil their duties as children and grandchildren , so he returned to his seat.

Dinner started soon enough. There was idle conversation about what each person was doing. Lamentations of how fast time flew were repeated regularly. It seemed that everyone that night was nostalgic and yearned for a return to the good old times.

And after what seemed like an agonising eternity of prosaic platitudes, it was finally time for the cake to be brought out. In groups, they went up to take photos. The younger ones were then supposed to sing the birthday song. A funeral procession had more enthusiasm.

As he left the restaurant, he realised that the group of people that he called his family was held together only by one old lady. With her passing, there would be many of those people in the group whom he would never see nor hear from again. He wondered how his family gatherings have become such a perfunctory exercise. Was it because the people did not have anything in common? Or was it because they have not taken the effort to keep up with one another's lives? Or was it because they were so fundamentally different? Was there anything that he could do about it? Did he actually want to do anything about it?

F.A.F.

i realise that i eschew from writing in greate details about certain more intimate aspects of my personal life on my blog. there, of course, is a reason why. certain things are just too painful to reflect on. and, for me, writing it out is the ultimate form of reflection. not only that, it gives the thoughts a permenant form. something that you can look back on and remind yourself of. but perhaps the fear is unfounded. perhaps the carthasis of writing it out might prove to be more therapeutic than oppressing it.

so. i shall attempt to translate those thoughts into words and post them on my blog. hopefully, it would indeed be carthatic enough. a sort of fire and forget mechanism. you think it will work?

Leaves

Something I wrote a long time ago:

A pair of leaves in the sky,
Their paths somehow intertwine.
My mind their dance mystify.
Yet it is futile to ask why,
This pair of leaves in the sky,
Their paths have to intertwine.

A Moment of Eternity

we reached the end of the road. i looked at her, puzzled. "so where is it that you live?" I asked.

"We've passed it already," she replied casually.

"Erm..."

"I have to show you where the bus stop is..."

"No you don't. Don't be silly, " I insisted.

I pulled her arm and turned back. She resisted, tugging in the opposite direction. Our little tussle, our inane tug of courtesy must have looked really comical. But stubborn as both of us are, neither was willing to budge. We continued tugging, and as we did, somehow, strangely, her hand slipped into mine.

We stopped our tussle. She looked up at me pleadingly. I looked at her, falling subconsiously into her deeply mesmerizing gaze. All this this time, we held hands. It was a brief moment that felt like a blissful eternity. What transpired between us, I shall never comprehend.

I eventually relented. We walked to the bus stop and she accompanied me until the bus arrived. She sent me a text message when she got home, asking me to send her one when I did. I did. That process, less the tussle, was to be repeated 3 more times. Throughout that time, an angel rose. And fell. Adruptly.

Now she is gone. And all I have now are memories of times too sweet to hold on to and too painful to let go...

Beautiful Day

raindrops pelted down in cleansing grief. the hypnotic pitter-patter lulled like a siren's song. puddles formed, inviting reflection. thunder crashed, rousing slumbering souls, lightning streaked across clouded skies like clarity in a befuddled mind. gusts after gusts, the winds wailed their mournful song, every crescendo blowing away threads of regret.

and when the symphony ended, spirits lifted as rain clouds did.

it was a very beautiful day today.

Suay...

i tell you arh... i damn suay you know... you see hor... most people would think that in NIE, confirm plus gaurantee more cha bor than ta po eh right? so all of this week... i damn hoping that in my tutorial class hor, will have quite a few chio bu's, so that at least one of them i can got chance one lah. but then hor, wah... i tell you... damn suay la, all my tutorial groups hor, very few cha bor one you know. suay right?! even tutors suprised you know. they all say hor, "Wah... this (referring to the class that i'm in...) is the first class i have that has so few girls."

then i walk around in NIE hor, then see all the chio bu's every where leh. but how? no way of getting to know them. li gai wa gong la... suay or not? i tell you hor... i give up already la. liddat i confirm die single one la. sighz. :(

Writing

i was just reading Wallflower's blog. Wallflower is one of BOng's friends. her writing is quite good. and i realised that i don't think i can ever write prose like that ever again. i think there was a point in time when i could, a point in time when i could have described scenes, people, emotions, but now... i seem to lack the linguistic abilities, the proper words, the appropriate phrases.

it seems that i am no longer able to write metaphorically, to paint pictures with my words. now... i write too much like a civil servant... officious, factual, literal. argh. my English teacher would be so disappointed. :(

Be With Me

went to watch Eric Khoo's "Be With Me" on Sunday night. apparently it was the opening movie at Cannes.

I personally thought that it was... alright. then again, i'm a plebian and hence unable to appreciate that sort of movie. of course, there were people who thought that it was a really powerful movie because of the central character, who though blind and deaf, is able to take care of herself and offers her services as a teacher of blind children. and of course, there were quite a few people who were crying because they were so touched by the show... probably again because of that central character.

i, hard-hearted as i am, was not affected by that central character. true, she is a great example of how a handicap need not be disabling. for that, she deserves respect. but no reason for me to cry over it. what most affected me was... well... something that i could personally relate to. unrequitted love... or affections... or whatever you want to call it la. the... you know... you pine for that person, you so very much want to talk to that person, but that other person avoids you like the plague. ya. i've been both, the avoided and avoiding. and then i realised... if you are the avoided, best to just let go (easier said than done... especially if it was very sudden, seemingly without reason and you are still trying to understand why...).

and if you are the avoiding... well... it's actually a lot tougher... though less painful... what i mean to say is that it's tougher to know what to do such that the other person is hurt least. but it is definitely less painful (that is if you are like me... i.e. no conscience), cos all you need to do is... "what the hell... fuck it... not going to see/talk to this person ever.regardless. what happens to that person is no longer any of my business" and then you just get on with life. sometimes... that is the best thing to do...

ah well... so that was "Be With Me". i think the general release is sometime in September. the supper after the movie was excellent. Min Jiang restaurant at Goodwood Park Hotel. the Wagyu beef and the Durian pudding were... hmm... hmm hmm hmm... :)

i just heard the song untitled by Simple Plan... sighz. it so well describes my life... i know... sad isn't it... ahahaha....

and then they played Every Other Day by don't know who... and... well... i suddenly thought that i would like to have a girl to share that song with. to listen to that song together and... argh... i'm not sure what i mean... sighz.

anyways. school's started proper. the time table looks pretty alright. but i do have quite a few assignments lined up. and that means that i'm supposed to do regular work, read various journals, do research, etc etc. so that i don't need to scramble at the last minute... but me being me... hahaha....

right. back to finding out what people want to see in the Taman Jurong CC (thus far... a lot of hips are hopping...)