Duty

my friend, who's also a teacher, told me that she was down for oral.

i'm sure she found it long and hard.

Multi-purpose Markers

i wonder what other things these markers have been used for...

(hint: click on the image and then enlarge it. you got to read the words, it helps if you can read Chinese.)

Goh-ing Goh-ing Gone

our dear SM said some brilliant things yesterday. apparently, GRC helps to recruit top talent into PAP. according to him, if not for the GRC, good candidates might be put off because they won't be sure if they'll win and hence, it won't be worth the risk of failure for these people to even campaign.

right. let us consider. if that is truly a top-notch candidate, why should this person be afraid that he/she cannot win an electoral battle? what risk is there then? if we stop and think logically about it, the GRC does precisely the opposite: it allows people who are not good enough to win on their own to ride on the coat-tails of heavyweights. do we really want these people?

if we really need the GRC to attract people into politics, it therefore implies that the top-notch people don't want to join the PAP and all they can get are second rate people. and to attract these second rate people, the PAP has to resort to offering gaurantee wins to tempt these people to stand for elections. now, one then has to ask what motivations these peopele have for wanting to be MPs? can we be sure that these people are there because they want the best for the people? because if they do, then they should not be worried about the risk of losing and whatever opportunity costs that they would incur because of their loss. however, from what SM said, that does not seem to be the case. rather the way SM Goh puts it makes one think that the people that PAP are getting are concerned about their careers as much, if not more than, the people that they are supposed to serve. so if serving the interests of the people will compromise their personal gain, then the candidates that PAP get would rather then not serve the interests of the people. is that the type of MPs that we want?

further, the GRC is supposed to be a national policy, which is supposed to benefit the nation. it is supposed to be, in principle, non-partisan. however, if we were to believe the reason that SM gave to explain how the GRC attracts talented people into politics, then we must conclude that the GRC gives the PAP an advantage in elections. in other words, one now must really question, do we really need GRC or is it a ploy that gives the PAP an advantage in the polls? is this, at the end of the day, good for Signapore? or will it only bring in more second rate candidates which bodes ill for the future of our nation.

Searching...

i was looking through my tracker in an attempt to find out who you people are (i mean... i ought to know who reads my blog right?). and saw some of the searches that directed some of you to my blog. it was quite interesting. things like "Asian Confucian work ethics" threw up a link to my April entries. Sungei Gedong camp threw up a link to my article on the discrimination of Malays in the SAF. similarly for SAF signals officers.

and the readership of my blog has gone up for the last few days. i wonder why. i am honestly very curious who you people are, what you people do, why you read my blog. are you just passing by? or here to stay? so... i'll appreciate it if you could drop me a note, a little hint for me to attempt to figure out who you are.

i realise that my posts now are very different in style compared to my posts from... say April and May of last year. there was a lot more frivolity in my posts then. a lot more pure crap. it seemed that the corn and crap just flowed unrestricted from my fingertips. now however, my writing seems more... contrived? i don't know. perhaps it is the gravity that i am now a payed employee of the oh-so-wonderful government of the great Republic of Singapore. (i wonder what other words i can throw into this post to lure unsuspecting people to come to my blog... come into my parlour, said the spider to the fly... perhaps words like... boobs, tits, vagina, downblouse, upskirt, sex, fuck, hot schoolgirls, would help... well... if you came to my blog because you tried to search for these things, all i have to say to you is... SUCKER!)

i digress. where was i? here of course. i am always here. it's the rest of the world that is misplaced. but I on the other hand... am always here. ha... some of my dear friends who have had the misfortune of travelling with me would remember my horrible sense of direction.... whenever i had one...

hungry. no crap to flow out. it's natural you know... if you stop to think about it. if you don't eat, it's unlikely that you have crap.

hmm... crap and shit seems to come up in my blog regularly. i wonder why... a reflection of the sort of person that i am?

Mummy Dearest

my mother is a miser. she hoards her money like a slumbering dragon hoards her treasure. woe be to any unsuspecting sales person who tries to part my mom from her money.

now if everyone was like my mom, the economy would screech to a thundering halt.

Nuts and Bananas

Friend: i got an A- in mediation! but in real life, i can't mediate for nuts.

me: how about for bananas? i'm sure you can mediate for bananas.

of course, since bananas are nicer fruits. oh wait. hang on. do nuts count as fruits?

but i'm sure anyone can mediate for a few billion dollars.

everyone, everything, in this day an age, has a price.

Tragedy

"too early seen unknown, and known too late." - Shakespeare (Romeo and Juliet)

Am I mean?

my cousin said that i was mean.

my response:

"i'm not mean. i'm median. right smack in the middle, neither here nor there. a faceless digit in the restive mob."

Excuse me, are you dead?

i'll kill you until you die from it! famous line from Hotshots.

which sounds ludicrous. because when you are dead, you are DEAD. that's it. nothing, nada, zero, end of the line, goodbye and thanks for all the fish.

but NO... people like to think that when you are dead, you aren't really dead. you turn into go to heaven where 99 virgins wait for you or slide down into hell where a huge furnace would consume you in eternal flames.

pfft.

the only reason why people invented an afterlife is because they can't deal with this life. they tell us that our actions in this life would be judged and what happens to us in the eternity of our afterlife depends on how the balances tip. they tell us that it's ok that the good guy suffers so much and dies early because that just means that he's gone to heaven earlier. and they tell us that we shouldn't envy the bad guy who is getting away scot free with all the dosh and chicks, cos he'll be spending an eternity in the flames of hell.

bullshit.

these people just can't accept the fact that life sometimes sucks. these people do not have the guts nor moral courage to live a good life knowing that they might have to suffer for it. that's why they create a delusion that they will be rewarded for all their troubles. these people, therefore, stay on the straight and narrow rather than become conniving bastards not because it is right to stay on the straight and narrow, not because being conniving bastards is bad, but because they want to enjoy the company of the 99 virgins, enjoy all the chicks and the dosh (or the equivalent in the 'afterlife') for all of eternity. bloody hypocrites.

no. when you are dead, you are dead. anyone who believes otherwise is deluding themselves.

Why why?

was involved in a debate workshop. one girl asked, if we need to think about thinking, then when's it going to end? isn't philosophy then a waste of time?

it is and it isn't. for the Singaporean mind, so set in reaching the destination, philosophy is indeed a waste of time. because philosophy is not about finding definite answers. it is a winding path of reflection and introspection, of asking ourselves why we live the way we do and how we can live our lives better. philosophy is but a journey, the 'anwers' to the philosophical questions are but signposts. which would be meaningless if we don't connect it with our lives.

but in this day and age, introspecting, reflecting about life, thinking about how we lead our lives is so passe. we are so busy making a living that we don't seem to have the time to actually live, let alone think about how and why we live.

and because a lot of us don't think of such things for ourselves, we allow other people to conjure up lies and stuff them down our throats.

we have people telling people that this short time we spend alive is but a dress-rehearsal for the afterlife, where we'll spend an eternity. and this has all been arranged by some omnipotent, omniscient entity called God. incidentally, i didn't make all that shit up. i'm not capable of such utter crap. i read it from a book that someone on the train was reading.

what surprises me and even scares me is that there are people stupid, lazy and cowardly enough to lap up such rubbish.

yes. lazy. why lazy? because only someone who is slack enough not to think critically, to not demand any rigorous proof will accept these kind of nonsense to be true.

why cowardly then? perhaps cowardly isn't the right word. it's more... fragile egotism? that we cannot accept that we are truly insignificant, that our lives are actually meaningles, that in the end, nothing really matters. but so what if nothing we do really matters in the end? why must life have a meaning to it for us to live happy lives? and i mean true happiness. not just the momentary joy that comes from seeing England win or from buying a new computer but true happiness (of which i shan't even begin to attempt to define because i think it varies and it's too big a concept to be tied down by words, limited as our human capacity, particularly mine, to put things down in words are).

so perhaps life is indeed meaningless. so what? live and let live. be happy (and i ain't no trippin' here...).

peace out.

And the Lions sleep tonight

and quite deservedly so. after the nail-biting finish last night (Singapore time), the team that dons the jersey with the three lions definitely deserve a good rest and to build up their psychological fortitude.

there were missed chances galore in the game. Lampard had 7 shots on goal but none went in. it wasn't until the past the 80th minute that Peter Crouch scored. the fact that he's damn tall helped. i wonder whether anyone in England still dares to mock his lanky built.

of course, then there's Gerrard's stunning long range shot in the first minute of stoppage time. that effectively sealed the game, sending England through to the next round.

what was interesting about watching the match was that i watched it in the CC near my place. and it does indeed seem that most people were rooting for England. interestingly, even after England had scored, there were people who wanted England to score another goal.

why?

simple. cos they betted on it to happen. and when England scored a second goal, these 'ardent' supporters of England started cheering for Trinidad and Tobago to defend harder. the shift in 'loyalties' was so adrupt that i found it hilariously entertaining.

and the next round, the England team might be up against Germany. now that would be one tough fight if it happens. i wonder who people will be betting on...

this post on Cheng's blog set me thinking.

i wouldn't be surprised to find "An Idiot's Guide to Being Happy" in Borders in the near future. i'm sure it would have easy step by step guides to avoid depression, lift one's spirits, heal one's broken heart.

it's all part of the digital age, where everything is digitised, everything comes in bite sized chunks that we can grab and go, gobble down as we blaze a path to oblivion, scrambling our way to the top of the heap only to find that we have scaled a mountain of broken bodies and condemned souls.

and then what?

Wayang

some say that one of the key roles of any armed force is to wayang. indeed, posturing is as integral a part of military doctrine as actual combat tactics. because the best way to ensure that you don't lose a battle is if you don't have to go into one in the first place. and what better way to deter someone from picking a fight with you than a convincing display of force?

and so that's why the SAF regularly conducts these open houses, publicly showing off their military capabilities. and for some of these open houses, even non-Singaporeans are allowed to attend. take for example the one that was organised for us graduating trainee teachers. even the non-Singaporeans were allowed into Sungei Gedong camp.

for those of you who aren't familiar, Sungei Gedong camp is a camp where tanks and tank related things can be found. these tanks and tank related things are usualy collectively known as armor. now the Armour formation of the SAF is one of the most highly classified. not least because of Singapore's military doctrine. consequently, for one to be in the Armour formation, one has to have a certain security clearance, i.e. must be deemed that you won't leak out any critical information. this is thus a reason why Malays are excluded. so why are non-Singaporeans allowed into Sungei Gedong camp? and more significantly, this open house thing exhibited our Armour capabilities, showcasing some of our Armour units. it also had some signal equipment (Signals is also another high security formation, again because of our military doctrine, specifically in the context of IKC2 and NCW). why were non-Singaporeans allowed to see all these things then?

simple. wayang. if we can convince these non-Singaporeans that SAF is indeed a force to be reckoned with, somehow this information would be fed back to their home country. that would then go some way to achieving the deterrence effect.

however, is the kind of open houses convincing? a female NIE friend of mine told me that she wasn't at all convinced that SAF could defend Singapore. this is despite having seen the modern equipment, watched the wonderful computer generated animation of 3G SAF (again with IKC2). why?

because she did not see how these forces actually overcome enemies, advance and conqueor , hold ground, etc. in short, she did not see how all these modern systems work together as a seamless whole in an actual military operation. as such, she wasn't convinced that the soldiers could actually execute such military operations under the duress of war.

which is a very good point. for all our posturing, can we actually fight a war? can our NSFs, NSmen and regulars actually make use of the advance technology to lift the fog of war and eliminate the friction of war? will all the money we spent on developing the 3G SAF actually yield dividends? does all the technology really give us an edge?

at this juncture, we must take note of what happened in a certain military exercise that USA conducted called Operation Millenium Challenge. it was a wargame (i.e. computer simulated...)long story short, a smaller force, with far lousier technology, whooped the American forces, sinking the entire American invasion fleet. if it had actually happened, it would have bee the biggest naval disaster since Pearl Harbour. what is more interesting is that USA already has the 3G forces that SAF is trying to go towards. and perhaps what they have is even far more advance than what we can achieve in the next 10 years. and yet they lost.

reason for losing? well... long story. which is besides the point of this post. if you are interested, here's the link. but what is important is the moral of the story. and that is that if we were to be confident that SAF can defend Singapore, it should not be built upon superior technology, but founded on exceptional leaders, courageous, disciplined and capable soldiers.

I couldn't resist

before bed time, one more thought.

this person giving a talk that i attended mispronounced the word 'annual'. it sounded like 'anal'. that sparked off a discussion between me and some friends about mispronounced words. JG brought up that he knows some people who pronounce 'birthday' as 'birdday'.

now can you imagine if the same person made both mistakes?

"please come to my birdday. it's an anal event."

this person is obviously not a cunning linguist.

now on that happy note...

Wake up your idea!

for us guys who've been through NS, that's a phrase that we've heard countless times. of course, it usually goes:

WAKE UP YOUR FUCKING IDEA!

of course it would be a lot more fun to wake up your idea fucking...

another phrase that we often hear is:

WHY? SHAG CANNOT THINK HAR?

now... according to some research, when a woman has an orgasm, her higher thinking faculties shuts down.

so... for a woman, the phrase will be:

WHY? SHAGGED CANNOT THINK HAR?

on that happy note... time to sleep...

Backup Memory

i've noted something interesting.

one doesn't remember what one has done before one was... about 4. or thereabouts.

and i think that there's good reason for that. cos one does the most embarassing things between the ages of 2 to 4.

like my dear darling cousins. they used to love Tellytubbies. they were fanatical about it, running to the tv 15 minutes before it was on, singin the song, jumping up and down like crazy monkeys in anticipation. and when it's on, they would watch in rapt attention. and then they would go 'again, again' and tried to guess which Tellytubby would pop out at the end. and they did those with such enthusiasm. they would then go on talking, in their toddler speak, about the show all throughout dinner.

and they don't remember that they did all that now. in fact, they deny that fact vehemently, cringing in mortification that they ever did something that un-cool. but the fact is that they did watch Tellytubbies and did love it. they might forget it and deny it all they want, but they'll always have their darling cousin (i.e. me) to remind them.

not least because they would drag me and insist that i watch it with them. that traumatised me. how can i ever let them get away with forgetting that they ever did something that silly when they traumatised me? where would be the justice in that?

Therapy

there are different types of shitting.

there is the type where you have to let the feeling develop for a while, while you are in the toilet.

then there is the type where you have to really work for it. where you really have to squeeze your guts out.

and there is the type where you get most of it done with. but then there's the little bits that seem to be hard to expunge.

oh, and there is the super watery sort that seems to go on forever. now those are bad. those usually mean that you have diarhoea (or however the hell you spell that word).

finally, there is the sort where there is a great build up which makes you desparate for the ttoilet. then when you eventally you get into the toilet, take off your pants, and all the shit just comes out and you are done. i think this last type is the most therapeutic sort.

i think it's the relief. you know what i mean. one tends to be really anxious and panicky just before the release of the results of an exam which one has poured one's entire heart and soul into preparing for. and when you see your results, and they turn out to be what you wanted, the relief immense relief that washes over one is like the gentle caress of a cool ocean wave on a hot day.

it was about 3 years ago when i last had that experience. strangely, i wasn't at all excited about my MSc grades nor my NIE grades (which are out incidentally... i passed with credit... for anyone who's interested to know...). i guess there was more at stake for my undergrad results bah...

ah well... breakfast beckons... :)

Under the Rug

so for the last couple of days, we had things related to NE. supposed to help make us more able to brainwash conduct NE in schools.

and as part of this entire exercise was a visit to some army camp. which included a presentation about the 3G SAF. and of course there was a question and answer session.

the Q&A was super disappointing. not least because the questions asked were totally irrelevant and basic. some one asked how secure army camps really are, citing how one could just masquerade as a trainee teacher and sneak into the camp when we have one of such visits. obviously the person wasn't thinking. obviously all us trainee teachers would be restricted to a certain area and if we strayed, we would probably have been shot.

there was one interesting question though. one that i had wanted to ask but didn't think that it was the right place to ask. it was about the lack of Malays in certain formations in the army.

unfortunately, the question was asked in such a way that allowed the army person (some full colonel) to smoke his way through. and smoke he did. he gave the 'official', politically correct answer that we all know is wrong.

the essence of the question arose from the issue that there are no Malay officers in the Signals, Armour and Military Intelligence formations (and perhaps even Airforce). and the answer that the good colonel gave was that this is purely coincidental, that so long as a person meets the physical, mental and skills requirement, the person, regardless of race and religion (and even gender) would be posted to the area that he/she can contribute most.

the obvious problem with that line of thinking is that the probability of something like that happening is infinitely small. consider this, 20% of our population are Malays. now let's say that we assume the overall educational level of Malays is lower and hence less of them are suitable for the 3 formations that i've mentioned (i'm not saying whether this is indeed true... i'm just saying that we assume it to be true, just for arguments' sake). we still have 10% of our population who are Malays and should qualify to be officers in the three formations.

now let's take the Signals formation for example. every batch, there are about between 30 to 40 cadets. that means that there is no active discrimination, then, statistically, we should have at least 3 or 4 Malay Signals officer for every batch of cadets. and there are 2 batches every year. so that means that every year, we should have 6 to 8 Malay Signals officers. but we don't. now it is still possible, though unlikely that it so happens that in one batch, or even a year, we cannot find a single Malay that does not have the ability or merit to be a Signals officer. but what is the probability of there not being a single Malay who has the merit to be a Signals officer in the throughout the entire history of SAF? infinitely small.

so it is logically impossible that it is purely coincidental that there are no Malay officers in Signals, Armor and Military Intelligence. the only logical explanation is that there is active discrimination of Malays resulting that there being no Malay officers in Signals, Military Intelligence and Armor formations.

but why this discrimination and what are the implications? is this discrimination justified?

the first 2 questions are inter-related. to answer them, let's look at the military doctrine of our SAF, parcticularly our 3G SAF. we all know that SAF's doctrine is based upon rapid and overwhelming force projection into enemy territory. now with the 3G SAF, another critical aspect is to have IKC2 platforms to deliver co-ordinated strikes in a Network-Centric War. our military doctrine is thus built upon our Armor, Signals and Military Intelligence. once these are compromised, we are effectively screwed. so, it is understandable that these 3 formations are supposedly more 'sensitive' and hence we need officers there whom we have absolute trust in. therefore, the fact that we do not have Malay officers in these formations thus implies that we do not trust them enough to not compromise the operations of these 3 formations.

why not though?

a reason could be that a lot of Malays have friends and family in Malaysia. and should (and it is not impossible) a war break out between Singapore and Malaysia, then the Malay officers in SAF, and more so in the sensitive formations, would be put in a moral and emotional dilemna. should they go to war? if they do, then they most certainly would be endangering their friends and family in Malaysia as well as attacking the nation that protects their friends and family. if they don't, then they would be disloyal to their own nation. another reason could be that the Malay officers might face the dilemna of having to choose between nation and religion. therefore, in order to ensure that our operational capacity is not impeded by such dilemnas, it is most likely that the SAF has decided to not have Malay officers in Signals, Armor and Military Intelligence.

is it justified though?

perhaps. it is not that we do not trust our Malay friends to make the right decisions, it is that choosing either course of action is wrong in some ways. so the best thing to do is to not put them in a situation where they have to choose, while yet allowing them to contribute to the defence of our nation. and hence a lot of Malays, some of whom are more than capable to become army (and perhaps even Signals or Armor) officers, end up in Civil Defence.

should things change?

it depends. i think the Malay community has more things to worry about than a Malaly not being able to be an armor or signals or intel officer. but having a malay officer in these arms certainly helps send out the message that we trust our Malays. it therefore goes a long way to demonstrating that we are truly a racially harmonious society. and i think the top decision makers realise this. and to their credit, things are indeed changing. but i suppose it would take time.

however, i do believe that hiding this fact won't help. i feel that it would definitely not help our NE effort for us to be continued to be fed the obviously false and illogical 'official' and politically correct response. on the contrary, i feel that we should openly discuss these issues and, as a society, understand the constraints that we are operating in and, as a society, move together to resolve all these very real moral, emotional and ethical dilemnas.

It's ALIVE!!!

for those of you who do not already know... a good dear friend of mine died last week.

it was horribly painful.

i loved this friend dearly.

i guess my dear friend just couldn't take my constant abuse. and... my dear friend gave up.

yes. my darling laptop finally died. after 4 years of faithful service. it died.

and i was cut off the www for a good 5 days. it was painful. such unimaginable horrors. i shudder thinking about it. may you, dear reader, never have to suffer such excruciating suffering.

BUT. i've gotten a new PC! lalalala... it's no working perfectly at the moment (i still have to hunt for the other half of my hard-disk... somehow, Win XP just detected half of it... grr...), and i still need to get speakers. BUT... at least i'm online again! lalala...

the downside is, i've wiped out my bonus. grr...

well... it was about time to get a new PC anyways. and here, i have to thank Jeremy for helping me pick one. thanks dude!

:)