So Simple...

i remember when i was in UK, i would see couples walking in the small little park near where i lived. and once in a while, i would see an elderly couple. their life stories written in the wrinkles on their faces, their bodies bent by their age, their hands gnarled by the years that they have seen. the very same hands that are holding each other as they walked, supporting each other. the touch of hand in hand that says that they shared their lives with each other and there isn't anything else that they want anymore. just so simple.

yet it's the simplest things in life that are sometimes the hardest to get. especially if it's a simplicity that is built on a foundation of years of being together, putting up with, understanding and supporting each other, living through good and bad times.

Big Tree

树大招风， 是自然的。

Egocentric Birds of a Feather.

i realised that what 7-11 said is very typical behaviour. we believe in something, we feel some way. and because we do, most people must. it is a thoroughly egocentric behaviour. yet, when challenged to prove, they can't. they find out that their view is restricted to themselves and a small group of people like them. which is natural, cos birds of a feather flock together.

Secret Place

from a MSN conversation with a friend last night:
i'm sure that in that secret place deep down in your heart, where you, as yet, dare not admit exists, you know that that is exactly what you desire most.

Brave New World

had a MSN conversation with a friend. and she was telling me that Brave New World is her lit text for her A-Levels. so had a short discussion with her about it. she was repulsed by the world that Huxley invented. and i explained that repulsion thus:

it's just like... imagine a stone age man. he'll NEVER be able to live in our world. so the way we look at the Brave New World is like neantherdals (however you spell that word) looking at our world. but most of us would say that our world is an improvement from the neantherdals'. so perhaps the BNW is indeed an improvement, but because it is so drastically different, we reject it vehemently, as we do most things that are too radical.

Nick

my cousin's MSN nick, which, for some reason, resonates with what i feel now:

命里有时终须有，命里无时莫强求

i think it's because... at this moment, i'm in my nostalgic, poignant mood, thinking about all the friends forgotten, opportunities missed, love lost, hearts broken, times wasted, trials faced, pain endured, scars acquired.

"Wisdom" from Harry Potter Books

bits of what can pass off for wisdom from the Harry Potter books.
do what is right, not just what is easy.

you need your friends and family. they give you strength and courage. even, and perhaps especially, towards the end, when you need their support most. (i find that... inevitably, each of the scenes which revolves about this idea always touches me.)

the people best suited to positions of power are those who do not covet them, but rise naturally into them because the situation dictates that they do. (this little piece of wisdom can be foud in the 道德经, aka the Book of Tao Te).

those whom we love most never really die but live on in our hearts (in an anime series i watched called 'X' - The series.)

sometimes shit happens. we don't want it to happen. we can't control those shitty situations. but we can control our response to them. (it's like the end of LOTR- The Twin Towers, what Samwise Gamgee said).

Mixed

it is with mixed feelings that i finished reading the last instalment of Harry Potter.

i started reading the first book during the first Christmas break of my Uni. i read it because a friend i was very close to then recommended the book to me. and also because i wanted to find out what her email address meant (it was marauders' map).

that was... 8 years ago. a lot has happened since. and as i read the last part of the last book, i suddenly started thinking back to the time when i first read the first book... and the 8 years that has gone.

and as Harry has changed and grown through the 7 books, i think so have i. or rather, i'm sure i've changed. i hope that i have grown. i only hope that i can achieve that calm equanimity that he had at the end of the series when i really need it most.

To Another Stage

Rage rage turn the page!
Break free from this cage.
Move on now, said a sage
Away from this war you wage.

Why I would quit this job

not because of the shitty bureacracy, not because of the admin paper work that i have to do, not because of the long hours or tough work.

but because of what i went through today. it took every single ounce of willpower to not crumble, it required me to summon every single iota of determination to continue.

i really suck at farewells.

so transient.

so ephemeral.

so difficult to let go.

sigh.

Event Horizon

i have an intellectual blackhole in the class. he sucks all the surrouding intelligence away, casting a pall of witless darkness on the rest of us.

The gravity of the situation cannot be overstated.

i jest. nothing of that sort exist.

Keeping Vigil

i was invigilating for the A-Level Listening Compre exam today at a... certain college which is well known for students whose standard of Chinese isn't fantastic.

first thing i told them was to turn their phones to silent and leave the phones in their bags and to leave their bags outside the classroom. i emphasized the utmost importance of having the handphones turned to silent, if not off completely. i said, "if you do not turn your phones to silent and your phone goes off with one of those horrendously loud ringtones at just the right moment and your classmates miss the crucial words and therefore does horribly , you know that they will curse you for the rest of your natural life. so please. save yourself that trouble and turn your phones to silent."

then, as i distributed the question paper, other than telling them that they are not supposed to turn the paper over until the broadcast said so, i also asked them to read the instructions, which were in Chinese, saying, "if, at this stage, you require me to translate the instructions for you to English, then i can only wish you good luck for this exam."

then... while waiting for the bloody exam broadcast to start, many of them fell asleep, serenaded by the music. so... just before the exam started, i had to wake them up. i said, "now's a good time to wake up, clear your mind and invoke any god or gods you worship for divine inspiration and assistance."

i was so horribly mean. i guess it's the lack of sleep. it makes me more caustic than usual. and that's saying a lot.

there was an interesting poem stuck at the back of the classroom though. it's called "Invictus"

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as Pit from pole to pole.
I thank whatever gods may be,
For my unconquerable Soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance,
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance,
My head is bloodied, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears,
Looms but the Horror of the shade.
And yet the menace of the years,
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishmentsthe Scroll.
I am the master of my Fate,
I am the captain of my Soul.

sigh.

i wish my soul was indeed unconquerable. but i know i do wince and cry aloud in trying times. despite that, my head, while bloodied, remains unbowed. the menace of the years often finds me cowering with fear, for often i am unsure, uncertain whether i can emerge victorious from whatever struggles rage within me. nonetheless... i do hope to be the master of my fate, the captain of my soul.

well... the above poem still isn't good enough to replace Kipling's "If", but it's nice and inspiring enough nonetheless...

One sleepless night...

as usual, before i sleep, i will read, hoping that i would fall asleep as i read. alas... tonight... that didn't seem to work, even though i'm quite tired. but while reading, i came across this:

His only thought was that there was nothing left, nothing to live for, nothing to wait for, nothing to remember. The stars were cold and he couldn't leap to grasp them, to pass fist over fist alon their lofty network of knobs, arrive someplace new, and, if not safe, at least less heinous. They merely mocked, as stars were created to do... His tears came hot and desperate, the only warmth in the universe.

something about that paragraph resonates with me.

Guess where this place is...

the road meanders on, lost in the shroud of darkness of the black night. a thunderous silence descends, drowning everything out in a tyrannical oppression. there is to be no argument, no reprieve.

then a flicker. a single sodium yellow lamp dares to defy the gloom of the night. alas, it only suceeds in making more morose this nocturnal picture.

i stand looking down this road. i feel the heaviness of that scene pressing down on me, its agonising sorrow consuming me, drawing me in.

Mugging the Mugger

this is the time when a lot of Singaporean students start becoming muggers. nono... you don't have to be more afraid of dark alleys than you already should be, nor do you have to expect a spike in crime rates. that is unless of course if you are a teacher teaching in a JC... then perhaps you ought to be careful that students do not lure you to some desolate corner and ambush you for the Prelim questions.

this is the time that students start mugging for their exams. i.e. they start attacking their books with their mental hatchets, trying to cram every single iota of information into their brains, hold all these pieces of information for just long enough to vomit them out during the exam and after the exam, completely forget everything. how many Singaporean students actually remember what they have learnt after the exam? very little. in fact, i'm sure most of us have forgetten what we have learnt for A-levels, O-levels, poly, uni.

does that mean that education is useless other than to get that piece of paper? no. i don't think so.

because in order to do well in exams, one has to learn to pick up critical information quickly and in the shortest amount of time, retain that information and then at the right moment, apply the information correctly. that is a skill that, like riding a bicycle, one never forgets nor loses the moment one picks it up. in order to do well in exams, one has to develop the discipline to force oneself to sit down and do something that one might not like, i.e. study when one would rather be doing something else. such discipline would probably be put to much good use further on in life when one is faced with the choice of gritting one's teeth and fighting on or just taking the easy way out. in order to do well in exams, one has to find out about oneself, how best one works and functions. it is a journey of self-discovery, an adventure of introspection and reflection.

the exam results therefore is not just a reflection of how good one is in that particular subject. it is also a proxy measure of a person's character. alas.... it is a poor proxy. and many people have taken this proxy to be the be all and end all, forgetting that academic results, the pursuit of academic excellence perhaps should be taken as a means rather than an end. a means towards not just developing a person intellectually, but also to nurture that person's character.