Thoughts one night in Ubin

i see the dreams you threatened to be shattered. i see the convictions you hold so dearly tested. i see you struggle with the challenges that come your way. i see you stumble and fall. i see you staring into the face of your greatest enemy, shaking with fear and exhaustion, only to realise that the face you see is your own.

you tell me you want to give up. you tell me you can't take it anymore. you tell me you cannot bear to take another step.

i feel your pain. i ask myself why i put you through all these. i want to relieve you of your burden.

but i won't. because if i do, you will never learn, never grow. a butterfly that does not struggle to break out of its chrysalis on its own will not spread its glorious wings.

but i will be there for you, to encourage you, to support you. i will be there to guide you, to help you find your own strength.

and when you do, you will be my guiding light so that i will find my own way too.

P. Ubin

dear cousin just told me that i'm very elusive, even on my blog. i realise. it's work. i mean... it is difficult to blog when one doesn't even have one's weekend.

i spent the last weekend at Ubin. with the students just elected into the students' council. it was tiring, but seeing them overcome their personal challenges and break through their own limits made it all worth it.

Calling all teachers

i know it's cliche, but educating is a calling. not a job, not a profession, not a career. but a calling. particularly more so in this day and age. and i have never understood that till now.

of course, there are lots of teachers around who do not educate. they merely instruct. some might teach. but to educate and inspire. that is a calling. why?

because to do that, one has to cast aside one's own aspirations, think solely of the best interests of the students. yet, how often have we seen students become pawns of teachers'/HOD's/principals' struggles for promotion? how often have we seen teachers more concerned about how much performance bonus they are going to get instead of how far their students are going to go in life(or even if they are concerned about the latter, it's only because that would affect one's performance bonus and promotion...)?

and it is difficult to stay out of this stupid race, this silly game of chess in this day and age of rising demands for material wealth. it is so difficult to hold true to the ideals of educating the student for the best interests of the students, casting oneself aside. it's almost like the struggle between Howard Roark and Peter Keating in Fountainhead only worse.

and i vascillate. i am Roark and Keating, entwined, struggling.

Random Prattle...

Wry smile on a painted face,
Wandering about in an maddening daze,
Walking around a soulless place,
Two lovers parting ways.

Quotable quotes

an ang-mo noted this when he was in a Community Club during an event where a Minister was the GOH one Sunday morning...

"If Singapore is really a dictatorship, why do the Ministers bother spending their Sunday mornings walking through throngs of 'common' people at these seemingly meaningless events? why do they bother sacrificing their sleep to shake hands with the public and listening to their opinions? i'm sure they have much better things to do than to sit through these badly choreographed performances. why... they could just shoot every dissenter? Perhaps Singapore isn't really that undemocratic afterall..."

right... not exactly what that person said. but... the spirit of the message is there...

Short Forms

so there's this position in schools, where this person is in charge of the computer and IT stuff. for some reason, this person is a Subject Head. probably because he's the person heading the subject of IT. and you know how Singapore Civil Service loves acronyms. so this poor Subject Head of IT is thus known as SHIT.

A tiny blip...

it's been a while since i blogged... work. it has taken a lot out of me: time, energy, sometimes even zest in life.

i come back, and all i want to do is to slouch onto my couch and not do anything.

having said that, it's not all that bad. i still have time to play a little badminton (helps that some of my students like playing badminton too... so my excuse for playing is that i'm building rapport with my students...)

the best teacher who has ever taught me told me that teaching is more than a career. it is a calling. i now know what he means. educating students, truly educating them, is not just physically tiring, but emotionally draining too. as if that is not challenging enough, there are so many things that distract one from the actual task of educating one's students: admin work, office politics, senseless meetings, parents, unappreciative students etc. some times, all these other peripheral things add up to disillusion teachers, teachers who just want to teach, but end up doing accounts, filing papers, writing proposals that won't ever see the light of day.

and at the end of the day, very often, teachers' efforts are not recognised. teachers just don't get the respect that we ought to get, not from students, not from parents, not from management. the demands keep increasing, but the recognition doesn't. and it's not just recognising our efforts through pay increases (though that would be most welcome...) but also through other ways. softer ways. perhaps by letting us concentrate on what we really want to do and do best, i.e. teach and educate.

it is no wonder then that so many teachers end up losing the passion to teach. and hence we produce students who do well in exams but have little zest for life.

oh well...

in other news, they now have Adrian Pang as James to attempt to undo the damage that Gurmit Singh did as Phua Chu Kang. but i don't think Parental Guidance will do as well as Phua Chu Kang. precisely because more people can associate with PCK than with James.

right. that's all i have to say for now. not sure when i would be back. but if you are still checking in on this blog, thanks!

:)